Luis Arguello

I'm just a bastard from a basket.

[Luis Arguello @SeeLuisrun]

Whoever just prank called me, call me back. I'm mad lonely right now.

[Mark @markfromdiesl]

AI is going to take your job and then screw your girlfriend

[Luis Arguello @SeeLuisrun]

Yes! I'll be holding an Ella Langley look alike contest in my apartment.

[Luis Arguello @SeeLuisrun]

Inside me there are 2 wolves. This is not enough to control the deer population inside me, which is draining the river ecology inside me. I'm attempting to release more wolves inside me to address this, but the ranchers inside me object.

[Luis Arguello @SeeLuisrun]

I sent my potential Valentine a "Get better soon" card, not because she was sick, but because she is horrible in the sack.

[Luis Arguello @SeeLuisrun]

Fall, we will say. Yes, it was a season. Autumn, it was a brand. And pumpkin, yes, it was a fucking latte.

[Luis Arguello @SeeLuisrun]

The Germans would've really saved themselves a couple of World Wars by reading Miguel de Cervantes instead of Heggel and Kant

[Luis Arguello @SeeLuisrun]

I bet flying squirrels get all the squirrel pussy

[Luis Arguello @SeeLuisrun]

I learned French for the explicit purpose of refusing to speak it instead of not understanding it

[Luis Arguello @SeeLuisrun]

If she thinks Fellatio is a Shakespearean character, I don't know if I should cut my losses or go all in. It's completely binary

[Luis Arguello @SeeLuisrun]

Can you please be quiet for Halloween?

[Luis Arguello @SeeLuisrun]

Pretty sure the guy who named them "walkie talkies" got fired before he got to name other military equipment.

[Luis Arguello @SeeLuisrun]

Q: Threesome?
A: When pigs fly.
Pro: Threesome
Con: High bacon prices.

[Luis Arguello @SeeLuisrun]

Cali chicks talking dirty: Is your dick hoard?
Boston chicks talking dirty: Is your dick haawd?
NY chicks talking dirty: Yo suck my dick B.

[Luis Arguello @SeeLuisrun]

"Bitches aint shit" Dr. Dre (celebrated theorist) demonstrating the logical validity of the assertion that Females are not Feces.

[Luis Arguello @SeeLuisrun]

Were sorry. We've decided not to hire you. But your background check was hilarious.

[Luis Arguello @SeeLuisrun]

Your mom has terrible taste in children

[Luis Arguello @SeeLuisrun]

Haters gonna hate. Abbreviators gonna Abbr.

[Luis Arguello @SeeLuisrun]

Note to self. Buy a copy store & hire twins

[Luis Arguello @SeeLuisrun]

Every time you yawn, a ghost puts his dick in your mouth.

[Luis Arguello @SeeLuisrun]

Although I suspected it, the 'Spoiled Princess' and 'Diva' bumper stickers confirm that you had a baby in high school.