United States Senate Updates

United States Senate Updates. Satire. Not affiliated with the actual US senate.

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Kyrsten Sinema just spent $1400 on this stylish, quirky hairdo and dress 🤩🤩🤩

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West Elm Caleb is running for senate

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Elizabeth Warren doesn’t wash her face

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Mitt Romney has been in the bathroom 37 minutes and counting after ingesting a truly ungodly amount of hotdogs

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We would say Joe Manchin is getting coal in his stocking but he would probably love that

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Merry Christmas Eve!! Mitch McConnell is putting his nightdress and nightcap on and putting cookies out for Santa as we speak! (The cookies are actually for his donors because they give him more gifts than Santa ever could)

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Buddy from cake boss is running for senate

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Richard Burr recently saw Hamilton and he is now making everyone address him as “Mr. Burr, sir”

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@UtahUpdates It was really traumatizing. It wasn’t as bad as Susan Collins’ rendition of All I Want For Christmas though…

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Happy Thanksgiving! Marco Rubio is choking on green bean casserole. Calling an ambulance.

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Joni Earnst and Tammy Duckworth showed up in the same blouse today… talk about embarrassing!

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Susan Collins called out sick today but we have it on good authority that she wasn’t sick and was actually just listening to Adele’s new album

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We just saw Cory Booker doing something really scary and I (one of the interns who runs this page) don’t want to talk about it but my hands are shhhakinf

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Dianne Feinstein is a TERF

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Senator Sanders sobbing after Elon’s tweet. Oh wait, no, he actually doesn’t give a fuck

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Ted Cruz is literally neurodivergent and a minor

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The fact that we don’t have more followers is cancel culture

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@UtahUpdates Oh, so *that’s* what those noises coming his office were…

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Kyrsten Sinema is terrible but it’s ok because she is bisexual

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Senator Blumenthal is committed to ending finsta! No matter what Facebook head of safety said! Finsta must go!!!

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Ted Cruz was going to get vaccinated but after that Nicki Minaj tweet he is reconsidering