Nick Hofmaier

I am a human mitochondria

[Elon Musk @elonmusk]

Catapults are a great way to get somewhere fast

[hil @grandesheal]

the news never shows the truth

[Seth Rogen @Sethrogen]

Really looking forward to being bad at making eye contact again.

[Elon Musk @elonmusk]

Chairs are underappreciated

[Matt. @MattTheBrand]

i don't want to "do things" or "take care of myself" i want to "sit very still" and "eat noodles"

[Flea @flea333]

Eating the fuck out of an egg

[Barstool Sports @barstoolsports]

Calling Papa Johns and Dominos on speaker at the same time, chaos ensues @5thyear (via IG/n.c.99)

[Faux Pelini @FauxPelini]

Odds are much better this year so watch your back

[ESPN College Football @ESPNCFB]

Our panel has ranked the top 150 teams in honor of college football's 150th anniversary. Agree with the top 10? 🤔

11-150: https://t.co/dA67orkEPZ

[Thoughts of Dog @dog_feelings]

gooooob morning. we are going to have a great day. whether you like it. or not

[Barstool Sports @barstoolsports]

Mood all week: https://t.co/7hDNdhBgsh

[Michael Tracey @mtracey]

2014 is not ancient history. Can someone please explain why this was not portrayed at the time as a morally abominable statement?

[WeRateDogs @dog_rates]

you were gone for 30 whole seconds what was he supposed to do?

[Faux Pelini @FauxPelini]

and the viewers would have been very confused

[Faux Pelini @FauxPelini]

and Jon Snow would have been suspended for a violation of league policy

[SportsCenter @SportsCenter]

Tiger Woods shot a first-round 70.

He's shot a first-round 70 in 3 of his 4 Masters wins (1997, 2001, 2002)