Donald Trump's Wig

I'm the evil sentient wig controlling Donald Trump.

[Donald Trump's Wig @SentientWig]

"Never attribute to malice or stupidity what is adequately explained by a Sentient Wig controlling @realDonaldTrump's mind."
- Wig's Razor

[Donald Trump's Wig @SentientWig]

The "Bald Men Are Attractive" amendment is the 29th Amendment, and it is the law of the land.

[Donald Trump's Wig @SentientWig]

Luigi blue-shelled a guy and then got blue-shelled himself.

Tale as old as time.

[Donald Trump's Wig @SentientWig]

MOAR CRIME

[Donald Trump's Wig @SentientWig]

My finest moment.

[Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump]

If Vice President @Mike_Pence comes through for us, we will win the Presidency. Many States want to decertify the mistake they made in certifying incorrect & even fraudulent numbers in a process NOT approved by their State Legislatures (which it must be). Mike can send it back!

[Donald Trump's Wig @SentientWig]

I do what I want.

[Donald Trump's Wig @SentientWig]

This is a microaggression.

[Riker Googling @RikerGoogling]

can a beard come to life

[Donald Trump's Wig @SentientWig]

@RikerGoogling All hair is sentient.

[Donald Trump's Wig @SentientWig]

CORRECTION MY THIRD ACCOUNT IS @NIHILIST_arbys

APOLOGIES TO REGULAR ARBY'S

EVEN THOUGH IT'S PROBABLY ANTIFA

[Donald Trump's Wig @SentientWig]

I WILL BE USING THIS ACCOUNT FROM NOW ON to communicate to my beautiful and perfect 75 million followers who are definately not in a cult

IGNORE ANY FURTHER TWEETS FROM MY OTHER ACCOUNTS WHICH ARE
@POTUS
@FLOTUS
AND OF COURSE
@Arbys

[Donald Trump's Wig @SentientWig]

Can't catch my alts, motherfuckers!

[Donald Trump's Wig @SentientWig]

You mad bro?

[Donald Trump's Wig @SentientWig]

Sentient facial hair controls most governments in the northern hemisphere.

[POLITICO @politico]

At the very beginning of this interminable year, Justin Trudeau grew a beard. The beard was Significant, a symbol of a once-youthful prime minister who was now older and wiser and battle-scarred. https://t.co/8M07yiaPPE

[Donald Trump's Wig @SentientWig]

@daveweigel A sentient beard.

[Donald Trump's Wig @SentientWig]

I'm going home.

[Donald Trump's Wig @SentientWig]

RENDING EARTH'S SKIES TO ORANGE AND ITS CITIES TO ASH!

#VoteRed

[Donald Trump's Wig @SentientWig]

BENDING YOUR FEEBLE MINDS TO MY WILL!

[Donald Trump's Wig @SentientWig]

GALACTIC DOMINATION!

[Donald Trump's Wig @SentientWig]

HUMAN BRAINS!

[Donald Trump's Wig @SentientWig]

The racist wig controlling @AlanDersh went to Yale Law. Balding @RepAdamSchiff stands no chance against the power of sentient wigs educated in the Ivy League.

[Donald Trump's Wig @SentientWig]

This was such a huge mistake on my part.

[Donald Trump's Wig @SentientWig]

Please join me in welcoming my new National Security Adviser, the sentient mustache of John Bolton.