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I know a lot of gay men who are successful, kindhearted, fit…and single, despite wanting to find a partner.
This next part isn’t intended to oversimplify things, or say that gay men need partners to be happy, fulfilled, complete, etc. This is honestly kind of a messy post.
My observation is that many gays might be single not because they are unwilling to love another man, nor because they don’t have desirable qualities. They’re single, in part, because gay men struggle with allowing themselves to be loved, finding a partner who will allow himself to be loved.
I personally know the heart wounds of growing up gay or feeling “different” (even before knowing I was gay), which commonly involve self-hatred and inadequacy. I see how gay men are so successful in their careers and social lives because they achieve and focus on external excellence to combat those wounds.
But love and partnership are reciprocal and require open hearts and vulnerability. Love is not just admiring others or taking care of others, or performing well (which gays excel at). Love asks you to receive it, and to let it see and fill and change those parts of you that are your least favorite.
One of the notes my now-husband wrote me early in our relationship wasn’t just “I love you.” It said, “thank you for letting yourself be loved.” That is a message I reflect on often.
I want the single, wonderful gay men in my life to know that they are complete and whole, and amazing. And in addition to the love and joy and gifts they share with others, they are also so lovable and worthy of being loved themselves.
Thank you for letting yourself be loved ❤️
Imagine how many gay men are walking around convinced they’re difficult to love simply because the people they wanted never chose them. Rejection can make you question your looks, your body, your personality, even your worth. But someone failing to love you is not proof that you are unlovable. Please don’t turn somebody’s inability to choose you into a lifelong verdict on yourself. ❤️