TheRealShargus

Every one of these tweets was either written, or at least conceptualized while drunk.

[TheRealShargus @Shargus_Live]

@Progressive curious who decided that ad campaign calling people immature for not being able to afford their own insurance when most already work 2 jobs and can barely afford rent was a good idea?

[TheRealShargus @Shargus_Live]

@Progressive maybe instead of mocking people on their parents insurance, make ads about how being an independent adult is hard in today's society and while needing support is ok, you can provide an affordable stepping stone to help foster that independence.

[TheRealShargus @Shargus_Live]

Remember, nobody cares if you havent seen game of thrones. I havent fucked your mom even though everyone else has, and I don't make a big deal out of it.

[TheRealShargus @Shargus_Live]

@MilwaukeeTool does your 5 year warranty count towards tools given as gifts (that you dont have a receipt for)?

I received a M12 impact driver/drill set 2 yrs ago for Christmas and the drill is having issues. (Impact driver is still going strong though! 💪)

[TheRealShargus @Shargus_Live]

@hulu_support We stream off an apple tv unit plugged into a Samsung LCD flatscreen the problem seems to be intermittent. The problem also occurs when using chromecast to display on another tv

[TheRealShargus @Shargus_Live]

@hulu_support @hulu how come the audio cuts out just before your commercial breaks?

[TheRealShargus @Shargus_Live]

"I really love being forced to listen to the music coming out of that low quality phone speaker. I'm so glad that guy decided to play it for us all while he orders food."

-Nobody Ever

[TheRealShargus @Shargus_Live]

Hey @bethesda, why are there no bathrooms in skyrim? No outhouses, no toilets in the homes. What gives? Where are these people pooping?

[TheRealShargus @Shargus_Live]

@smashmouth does your name just mean facefuck?

[TheRealShargus @Shargus_Live]

@jenalightyear I know it now! I'm happy I can make you smile! You are a beautiful, amazing, fascinating human and I hope you are well!

[TheRealShargus @Shargus_Live]

Seriously. @espoma why on earth did you call it tomato-tone and not toma-tone? Talk about a missed opportunity

[TheRealShargus @Shargus_Live]

I never masturbate when drunk cause they say not to handle heavy equipment while under the influence.

[TheRealShargus @Shargus_Live]

@KremlinRussia_E nobody beats Putin

[TheRealShargus @Shargus_Live]

@jenalightyear Or at a cashier. Like, we can't control the prices of things....

People are mean >_>

[TheRealShargus @Shargus_Live]

Girl I would do so many things to you...

Provided we discussed everything beforehand and mutually consented to everything involved.

[TheRealShargus @Shargus_Live]

@HomeDepot Lowes has nicer bathrooms.

[TheRealShargus @Shargus_Live]

Her: "Oh baby take me..."

Me: "... Like, to funky town?"

[TheRealShargus @Shargus_Live]

@realDonaldTrump so we don't have much in common except we both want to fuck your daughter

[TheRealShargus @Shargus_Live]

@SilentLullabies Because I'm a white male living in the USA so everything just works out for me, obvs

[TheRealShargus @Shargus_Live]

@SilentLullabies Don't judge me!