Shaw Wilso

I breathe air and exist realistically, figuratively, metaphysically and ironically.

[Shaw Wilso @ShawWilso]

If sarcasturbation isn't something that happens in the world, it's about to be.

#fridaynightisolation

[Shaw Wilso @ShawWilso]

I should have named my kitten Caboodle.
#unfunnypunhoney

[Mechanical Joints @mechjoints]

Hey all you cool girlies and fellas out there, get with it and groove to this:
https://t.co/gIkldB2OKN

[Shaw Wilso @ShawWilso]

#bobsburgers fourth season is incredible. Because of the laughter, breathing is frequently difficult.
#breathtaking

[Shaw Wilso @ShawWilso]

Here's something so I can say #alpacalypse:

http://t.co/ZFkKVD72gb

[Shaw Wilso @ShawWilso]

-I almost shit myself when --

-Dude, what's up with you and the BM?
#conversationsonmybalcony

[Shaw Wilso @ShawWilso]

Holy gawdsh there's a new #TrailerParkBoys season. Today is victory.

[Shaw Wilso @ShawWilso]

You should play Tokyo Jungle because it's the only place I've found where tiny Yorkies will attack panthers.

[Vices @viceschicago]

Pow! Right in the listener!
https://t.co/m4mac8rO7V

[Shaw Wilso @ShawWilso]

#Perhapsolutely.

[Shaw Wilso @ShawWilso]

I'm disappointed not that Twatter exists, but that it's used for anything other than sharing pictures of vaginas. #falseadvertisement

[Vices @viceschicago]

Nü mewzix for those holes in your head:
https://t.co/bj3DokyEbE
Look.

[Shaw Wilso @ShawWilso]

My überschwang is the shit. #bowelsdeep

[Shaw Wilso @ShawWilso]

When I get hammered, all I want to do is nail you.

#hardwarestorepuns #somethingaboutgettingscrewed #theycantallbezingers #someprimusjoke

[Shaw Wilso @ShawWilso]

@tomsegura Virginia Beach Humerus*

[Shaw Wilso @ShawWilso]

Die young or die hung.

#shebangs
#nopresentnofuture
http://t.co/NM2HpPLxID

[Shaw Wilso @ShawWilso]

This exists. It's sounds. https://t.co/iK7RdlxlpL

#notwillywonkazoundsbar #soundsmadebyhumanpeopleandsometimesbycomputers

[Shaw Wilso @ShawWilso]

On a scale from one to ten, I'm terrible at mental math.

This tweet is an excuse to use the following unhilarious pun: #illcalcYOUlater

[Shaw Wilso @ShawWilso]

Everything on here is going be obnoxious as hell. #hashtagtwitterhashtags #brosbeforehobos