jewel roach

kick names. take ass. • wife •collector of cats

[erica 🐙 @snazzygoth69]

i’m dying lmfao

[The Middle-earth Mixer @MiddleearthMixr]

A Muppets Christmas Carol is better than James Cameron’s Avatar

[The Biblical Man @Biblicalman]

My father once told me the secret to a happy marriage.

“Stay out of the kitchen. Let her handle the holidays.”

I was 19. He was in his recliner.

My mother was cooking for 14 people.

She’d been up since 5 AM.

He’d been up since the football pregame.

I didn’t think anything of it.

That’s just how it was.

Fast forward 20 years.

I’m in the recliner.

My wife is in the kitchen.

She’s been up since 5 AM.

I’ve been up since the pregame.

My daughter walks by and I see her watching.

Not the TV.

Her mother.

Then me.

Then her mother again.

That’s when it hit me:

She’s taking notes.

My father taught me that holidays were for men to rest and women to work.

He didn’t say it.

He showed it.

Every Thanksgiving.
Every Christmas.
Every Easter.

The recliner passed from him to me like an inheritance I never asked for.

This morning I woke up at 4 AM.

Not for content.

For the turkey.

My wife found me in the kitchen at 6.

She didn’t say anything.

She just stood there.

Then she cried.

Your kids are taking notes.

Not on what you say.

On where you sit.

The recliner is an inheritance.

Be the generation that stands up.

[• V I C T O R I A 🌻• @viiictoria_gdn]

Lmao.😂😂😂
“Everything just smells bad” is here staring me in the eyes.😂

[lanie @l4nie0]

if you are a man and i call you “girl” and you respond with “i’m not a girl” i will explode you with my mind

[em @seidcr]

hey @DetroitRedWings can you ask them to move the game time up my bedtime is 10pm

[𝙰𝙽𝙰𝙽𝙸𝙰 @Anania00]

i hate gay halloween what do you mean you’re diana from the honey bunches of oats commercials

[NHL @NHL]

Chalk that up as a dub for the @DetroitRedWings! ✅

[Detroit Red Wings @DetroitRedWings]

APPLETON EMPTY NETTER!!!

3-1, #REDWINGS!

[claud #wearemattsavoie @cuporbuster]

The NHL without either Tkachuks

[Detroit Red Wings @DetroitRedWings]

THAT'S A #REDWINGS DUB IN TORONTO!

[jewel roach @ShayneJewel]

@moreitscider I call him Elvis because he looks like Austin butler to me

[Detroit Red Wings @DetroitRedWings]

RAZOR!!! #LGRW

[vel @churchmouseirl]

the lion hadnt really thought about it that way

[NFL Memes @NFLMemes]

“Won’t be watching”

[Smokes Lets Go @RoysEnergy]

Why does @JJWatt look like he's about to tell me he's "gonna need me to go ahead and come in tomorrow. Mmmmkay."

[GhettoGronk @ghetto_gronk]

Nobody:

Amazon Prime broadcast: “Don’t forget that Tyreek Hill beat the sh*t out of his wife 8 times” 💀