E. Balm Swirled

Time’s ban of the year

[E. Balm Swirled @SheaWhitaker]

Noticed birds perching on some lumber I’d left drying across multiple rungs of a ladder and thought “I should design something specifically for that” but the more I fleshed out the details I realized I was trying to invent a tree.

[E. Balm Swirled @SheaWhitaker]

Comics addressing the audience as “pieces of shit” is the throwing peanut shells on the floor of comedy.

[E. Balm Swirled @SheaWhitaker]

my sister may be a hacker because the wikihow page on how to tell whether you’re spreading cheer or just being annoying is suddenly missing

[E. Balm Swirled @SheaWhitaker]

This year I’m rebranding the lonely bleak existence I feel as I listlessly move room to room wondering where it all went wrong as Myself on a Shelf™️. That’s the power of positive thinking!

[E. Balm Swirled @SheaWhitaker]

…sort ofh indeed

[E. Balm Swirled @SheaWhitaker]

Watch out celebs or the ass will be humiliated out of you!

[E. Balm Swirled @SheaWhitaker]

@danCLYNE Grandboyhood

[E. Balm Swirled @SheaWhitaker]

Comic on podcast: Oh man, people are the worst. Ever have to sit on a long flight next to some stupid idiot? I just sit in my hotel room because the only bar in town is full of shitty mouth breathers.

Comic promoting own podcast: I’m a curious person. I find people fascinating.

[E. Balm Swirled @SheaWhitaker]

They’re going to git you sucka

[Ken Klippenstein @kenklippenstein]

REPORTER: We've heard so much about social media and how young people get indoctrinated...it's almost like a cult.

UTAH COUNTY UNDERSHERIFF: It is. Social media is just not good for the young...

It just really hurts 'em. They get in these groups, it can be kinda bad.

[E. Balm Swirled @SheaWhitaker]

@TheWadest This dude is awesome. He has built the cleanest shop I’ve ever seen and every surface is a dark color like it’s an overnight radio station. https://t.co/iNkfk5iXRI

[E. Balm Swirled @SheaWhitaker]

@TheWadest I love them. There are several where a guy will cut down a tree with a hand saw and make an intricate table out of it using no fasteners and the only edits are when he stops for the day. Absolutely no dialogue and even though it’s at 10x speed you hear chickens outside.

[E. Balm Swirled @SheaWhitaker]

I’m an adult that enjoys hoarding and I demand they bring back a kids meal so I can lie in order to get a lesser version of a popular toy!

[E. Balm Swirled @SheaWhitaker]

HOT TAKE CORNER: I’m still seeing fat kids so it wasn’t the happy meals. Bring ‘em back!

[E. Balm Swirled @SheaWhitaker]

I’m going to do this

[E. Balm Swirled @SheaWhitaker]

@TheWadest I must have searched for a specific video years ago and it has never stopped trying to show me more. Luckily I have watered down the algorithm by watching woodworking videos from around the world.

[E. Balm Swirled @SheaWhitaker]

If there is any silver lining to AI it’s that Jerry Seinfeld can finally find out the deal of things instead of asking us to put up with his ignorance.

[E. Balm Swirled @SheaWhitaker]

Great, my first paid writing gig and they cut out most of it.:(

[E. Balm Swirled @SheaWhitaker]

Guy at the bar: Yeah man, back in college everybody called me the beer disposal unit.
Me: That’s cool. I forget what they used to call me.

[E. Balm Swirled @SheaWhitaker]

lol, fuckin’ Bolton thought he was immune but got got when he did all that popular shit. Shoutout to that wham legend

[E. Balm Swirled @SheaWhitaker]

@daveanthony It was funny when the governor tried to get high school kids to do it and all but 1 quit before the day was over. That kid quit the second day.