Shelby Heim

[Shelby Heim @ShelbyHeim]

In case anyone was wondering how work was for me today

[Mac @GoodPoliticGuy]

Just got off the phone with Mitch McConnell, he told me aahhh shit it’s hot fuck there’s so much fire oh god reagans here too fuckkkk

[ellie schnitt @holy_schnitt]

btw if there was a photo of me out there that looked like this you’d never be able to tell me shit again. my head would be so big I wouldn’t fit thru the door

[The Onion @TheOnion]

World Populace Actually Fine With Rich People Dying On Mount Everest https://t.co/quck9thDTB

[Liz Charboneau @lizchar]

call your representatives NOW

[LA Turtle @evan_breen]

idc what anyone says this is the greatest movie scene of all time

[Mayra Guillen @mguilen_]

After three years of fighting. Rest easy sister. Look at what you’ve done. 🤍

[Washington State Dept. of Natural Resources @waDNR]

(Falling to my knees, begging, pleading)
Please.
Folks, seriously.
PLEASE.
Do not - and I can’t emphasize this enough - set the state on fire this weekend.

[Washington State Dept. of Natural Resources @waDNR]

If you're thinking about having a campfire maybe read the room and don't

[Bone00afide.bsky.social 🇮🇱 @bone00afide]

If I have to explain to my kid why this is necessary in school, then I don’t care that you have to explain to your kid why Target has a Pride section. Seriously, not one bit.

[Melanie D'Arrigo @DarrigoMelanie]

C U Next Tuesday.

[Sam Hoadley-Brill @deonteleologist]

Greg Wickenkamp taught 8th-grade social studies in Iowa, where a GOP state legislator accused him of violating a law against teaching CRT.

Mr. Wickenkamp asked his superintendent whether he was allowed to teach students that slavery is wrong.

She couldn't give him an answer.

[Fifty Shades of Whey @davenewworld_2]

Volkswagen caused a delay in locating an abducted 2-year-old inside a stolen car because the vehicle's GPS subscription had expired. The detective explained the situation, but VW wouldn't budge.

This is the innovation that capitalism offers.

"Give us $150 or the kid gets it!"

[Goodable @Goodable]

A timely reminder that after turning 95 years old, President Jimmy Carter suffered a fall that left him with a black eye, bruises, and 14 stitches — and still went out the next day to build homes for Habitat for Humanity.

[drew hinshaw @drewhinshaw]

My dad, who died last month, was a freelance camera man. He shot interviews with many celebrities—the Dalai Lama, Monica Lewinsky, Gorbachev, Ludacris, Jane Goodall, many more. Exactly one took the time to learn his name, strike up a yearslong relationship. Deeply appreciate this

[Oklahoma Department of Wildlife Conservation @OKWildlifeDept]

By the soft glow of the Christmas tree, your friends and family gather.

Your boyfriend, we'll call him Jeremy, of FIVE (not long at all) YEARS - gets down on one knee......

Your mom begins recording on her iPad as your aunt starts screaming.

[Mississippi State Football @HailStateFB]

MSU Bulldog family, college football community mourns the death of Coach Mike Leach

https://t.co/LzWyLyX3xM

[Washington State Dept. of Natural Resources @waDNR]

It is reckless and illegal to give your true love any amount of wild birds for Christmas.

[Timothy Keller (1950-2023) @timkellernyc]

Why do we spend hours on the internet, but only minutes on our knees every day?

[Katie Notopoulos @katienotopoulos]

People are like "ugh I'm leaving Twitter" but I just saw a viral thread where someone argued it's classist to know how to boil an egg. You can't put a price on this, you'll have to drag me out

[Dr. Parik Patel, BA, CFA, ACCA Esq. @ParikPatelCFA]

Get to the bunkers ASAP