Shem David

Salvation is here and He lives in me

[Shem David @Shemthesham]

Feeling selfless and being selfless are very different things.

[Shem David @Shemthesham]

"There's no 'just me' in team... you're doing the work too buddy" - my wife

[Carson Wentz @cj_wentz]

It's #WentzDay! You know the drill. RT for a chance to win #BoseHeadphones 700 & signed @Eagles gear. U.S. only. Click to read terms and conditions:

https://t.co/LMepJkQpR3

[Shem David @Shemthesham]

Goodbyes are never fun but cleaning out your locker is kinda therapeutic.

[Shem David @Shemthesham]

A criminal stole my energy drink today. Not over it

[Titania McGrath @TitaniaMcGrath]

Until women are equally represented in the sciences, I shall be boycotting all western medicine.

[Myrna Tellingheusen @PearlsFromMyrna]

My knee just made a cellophane sound.

[Myrna Tellingheusen @PearlsFromMyrna]

No—I do not want to “round up” my purchase for charity.

I would like to “round it down” for my utility bill.

[Shem David @Shemthesham]

We got a BeachBody account and I did Insanity three times, so please refer to my ripped self as “Shem T” from now on

[Shem David @Shemthesham]

Most dangerous weapon of all time? Either the nuclear bomb or the blade for the Ninja blender

#lethal

[Shem David @Shemthesham]

I don’t really have a spirit animal but Stanley from The Office shares both my middle and last name so...

[Shem David @Shemthesham]

Watched “Baby Mama” at 1 AM by myself. Found it very relatable.

[Myrna Tellingheusen @PearlsFromMyrna]

Lyle,

-“Swiping” left and right
-while reclining on my BarcaLounger
-in your boxers
-eating Doritos
-and playing “Fourth Night”

is not DATING.

I am arranging a church mixer.

[Shem David @Shemthesham]

“Everything I like is on sale!! - this is the worst day of my life.” @NatTatters

[Shem David @Shemthesham]

@danrunsfast @vicka383 Meanwhile Bang is 3/5$5.45 at my local gas station 💰

[Shem David @Shemthesham]

What if Tom Brady is immortal and ruins football forever?

[Shem David @Shemthesham]

I’m ready for summer and sun burn and some fresh guacamole.

[Mattie Montgomery @ForTodayMattie]

Some of y’all don’t know who John Avery Whittaker is and it shows

[Shem David @Shemthesham]

Just waiting for New York to legalize “abortion” up to a child’s 18th years of life. Cause it’s a woman’s right #murderismurder

[Shem David @Shemthesham]

You’ve never washed your hands like a parent on their first day of cloth diapering #triplewash