𝐑𝐞𝐝 𝐒𝐩𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐋𝐢𝐥𝐲

🇪🇸🇯🇵🇵🇭/INFJ-T / @Shinnn_002 / 🎴

[𝐑𝐞𝐝 𝐒𝐩𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐋𝐢𝐥𝐲 @Shinnx00]

she might be laughing but deep inside she's hurting, she's trying to get her mind off things that make her upset by pretending to be fine.

[𝐑𝐞𝐝 𝐒𝐩𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐋𝐢𝐥𝐲 @Shinnx00]

normalize lying to people who ask you too many questions about your personal life

[𝐑𝐞𝐝 𝐒𝐩𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐋𝐢𝐥𝐲 @Shinnx00]

i hope everybody finds the right circle of friends and a good relationship, life is already difficult enough to be dealing with cheating partners and fake friends as part of your problems.

[𝐑𝐞𝐝 𝐒𝐩𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐋𝐢𝐥𝐲 @Shinnx00]

dude, they should at least rethink their life decisions because being a parent is not a job for everyone. my god, they are aware of how they lacked the basic qualifications and still forced their way through.

[𝐑𝐞𝐝 𝐒𝐩𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐋𝐢𝐥𝐲 @Shinnx00]

adults got no chill. they oblige you to show massive gratitude for being born without your consent. when they did nothing but to make you inherit all their ageless sufferings and unresolved traumas.

[𝐑𝐞𝐝 𝐒𝐩𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐋𝐢𝐥𝐲 @Shinnx00]

--- my ma's affection is a rope around my neck and she squeezes me inside of her; sometimes it is an embrace, but too often it kills me. there are moments where she becomes the most beautiful thing that sometimes i wish i never had to be born at all—

[𝐑𝐞𝐝 𝐒𝐩𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐋𝐢𝐥𝐲 @Shinnx00]

my ma has the eyes of a wretched god and i think of her in all the destructive ways that the light flows into the fragments of things; how she drags with her the heavy weight of her fingertips everyday just to hold more, ---

[𝐑𝐞𝐝 𝐒𝐩𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐋𝐢𝐥𝐲 @Shinnx00]

--- if she understood what it meant to love better, kinder—she would have done it for herself, and then for me. when i say that i am broken, a part of me speaks about my mother's inability to touch me more gently, without her grasp feeling like a bite. ---

[𝐑𝐞𝐝 𝐒𝐩𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐋𝐢𝐥𝐲 @Shinnx00]

A woman's brain cannot relax until she feels physically & emotionally safe. Many men don't understand how much energy women expend checking whether they're safe. Providing an environment where she can turn off that part of her brain allows her to truly settle into her femininity.

[𝐑𝐞𝐝 𝐒𝐩𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐋𝐢𝐥𝐲 @Shinnx00]

Respectfully, I don’t go above and beyond for people anymore. I meet you as far as you meet me. I speak to you as much as you speak to me. I include you as much as you include me.

[𝐑𝐞𝐝 𝐒𝐩𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐋𝐢𝐥𝐲 @Shinnx00]

i don't ever want to go through another stage in my life where i am telling someone how they should treat me

[𝐑𝐞𝐝 𝐒𝐩𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐋𝐢𝐥𝐲 @Shinnx00]

🍁:

[𝐑𝐞𝐝 𝐒𝐩𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐋𝐢𝐥𝐲 @Shinnx00]

i realized how emotionally independent i am. i never liked showing my vulnerable side to anyone. i wipe my own tears, heal my own wounds and keep it on myself because it is no one else responsibility to know what is going on with me.

[𝐑𝐞𝐝 𝐒𝐩𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐋𝐢𝐥𝐲 @Shinnx00]

Being silent is also a statement.

[𝐑𝐞𝐝 𝐒𝐩𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐋𝐢𝐥𝐲 @Shinnx00]

dealing with family problems, unstable mental health, anxiety, insecurities, self blame at such a young age is not easy at all

[𝐑𝐞𝐝 𝐒𝐩𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐋𝐢𝐥𝐲 @Shinnx00]

it took me
so many
cries before i
became better.

but am i
really better?

then why does
it feels like
i am still
forcing myself
to be better?

like in every
sleepless night‚
i consistently says
“i have to be better”

[𝐑𝐞𝐝 𝐒𝐩𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐋𝐢𝐥𝐲 @Shinnx00]

fear of communication is trauma based. you either feel like your voice doesn't matter. you think expressing how you feel is going to bring negative consequences. you're used to being silenced or invalidated.

[𝐑𝐞𝐝 𝐒𝐩𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐋𝐢𝐥𝐲 @Shinnx00]

I thought it would pass or I wouldn't care about it, but now I'm alone I am thinking deeply and non stop about it. I didn't realise just how much it would affect me. I'm hurt. I even cried, which I did not expect.

[𝐑𝐞𝐝 𝐒𝐩𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐋𝐢𝐥𝐲 @Shinnx00]

but parents
are supposed
to heal their
child’s wound,
and not be the one
who causes them

[𝐑𝐞𝐝 𝐒𝐩𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐋𝐢𝐥𝐲 @Shinnx00]

💚

[𝐑𝐞𝐝 𝐒𝐩𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐋𝐢𝐥𝐲 @Shinnx00]

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