ShitDSays

My name is D... I don't have a filter and weird shit comes out of my mouth. Twitter feed courtesy of my friends that put up with my shit.

[ShitDSays @ShitDSays2]

Me - I have dark humour
Friend - how dark is it??
Me - few shades darker than me skin

[ShitDSays @ShitDSays2]

"You ever think that relationships are just a drag?"

[ShitDSays @ShitDSays2]

Jake: “what are you going to do in the hedge?”
D: “I don’t know, probably fuck a rabbit”

[ShitDSays @ShitDSays2]

To a friend wearing a cowboy hat. "You look like you're from pornhub"

[ShitDSays @ShitDSays2]

“Jake if you want to be a professional footballer, you need to castrate yourself”

[ShitDSays @ShitDSays2]

“I ain’t spending if I ain’t touching”

[ShitDSays @ShitDSays2]

“Everything in Australia either eats you or you eat them, including the girls”

[ShitDSays @ShitDSays2]

"Alcohol is bad for girls legs, it makes them spread"

[ShitDSays @ShitDSays2]

“I’m scared to pee in the cold because I don’t want to pull frozen pee out of my penis like a sword”

[ShitDSays @ShitDSays2]

“Tarantulas are cute, they’re like cuddly pets”

[ShitDSays @ShitDSays2]

“Boys want vagina, men want kidneys”

[ShitDSays @ShitDSays2]

"Physics, bitch"

[ShitDSays @ShitDSays2]

“Everybody loves a good jump but not this car”

[ShitDSays @ShitDSays2]

"is that's someone phone or is there a vibrator somewhere on the table?"

[ShitDSays @ShitDSays2]

“If you’re gunna walk with your shoulders back and hips forward like a typical #britboy, at least have a big bulge down there....”

[ShitDSays @ShitDSays2]

"So you were ready to lose your virginity but it wasn't ready to lose you"

[ShitDSays @ShitDSays2]

*girl screaming*

D:"She needs a Dick in her mouth"

[ShitDSays @ShitDSays2]

"What's your favourite kind of sandwich?"

D: "Female"