Uncle Mike

My Uncle Mike likes to party. He sales cars. He says funny shit. These are his thoughts on life......

[Uncle Mike @ShitUncMicSays]

#ImBaaaaaaaaack

[Uncle Mike @ShitUncMicSays]

She ain't a 10. But, I promise you one thing. Run her thru JC Penny on a Gold Card-she'll come out da other end lookin like a runway model!

[Uncle Mike @ShitUncMicSays]

‎"So i fell asleep at the Waffle House...So what?

[Uncle Mike @ShitUncMicSays]

Its just that ol Guilt talkin.....

[Uncle Mike @ShitUncMicSays]

Its just Unc Mic... He got raised on milk of magnesia. Aint he the shits?

[Uncle Mike @ShitUncMicSays]

Guess what nephew...I'm getting married.. Owww.. By the way...Your gonna be older than your aunt. Da na na... Da na na...

[Uncle Mike @ShitUncMicSays]

No nephew. They got me for disturbing the peace.. You'd think they caught Al Capone. Hell, I didn't kill nobody! I got caught partying!!

[Uncle Mike @ShitUncMicSays]

Stress? Stress? Hell, I got one foot on a banana peel and the other one in a jail cell! Uncle Mike knows stress!

[Uncle Mike @ShitUncMicSays]

Moma is an angel. Her picture is on God's refrigerator. Hell, I just hope to get in the kitchen.

[Uncle Mike @ShitUncMicSays]

ShitUncMicSays
Gaddafi??? Hell, Reagan threw a missle through his bedroom window 30 years ago. Who cares about Gaddafi???

[Uncle Mike @ShitUncMicSays]

‎"Sorry folks... to windy for a crab boil"

[Uncle Mike @ShitUncMicSays]

"Hey bartender...Hold the Bloody...Lot a Mary"

[Uncle Mike @ShitUncMicSays]

Hell, they love 'ol Mick. Look at them pretty crablegs across the bar there. That ones a picking up what your Uncle Mike is a putting down.

[Uncle Mike @ShitUncMicSays]

Boy... You marry a lady and divorce a Bi*ch

[Uncle Mike @ShitUncMicSays]

God she's hot! Hell, I'd crawl over 4 miles of broken glass just to here her fart on the other end of a cell phone.

[Uncle Mike @ShitUncMicSays]

Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hello world.....