Shitty of Rohnert Park

Shitty of Rohnert Park's finest alerts. There’s no fire in RP and hot dang we’re going to make sure you know ALL about that.

[Shitty of Rohnert Park @ShittyOfRP]

ROHNERT PARK ALERT: CONSERVE WATER - WEAR DIAPERS, SELL POOP ON CRAIGSLIST, TAKE GOLDEN SHOWERS. #GambleFire #HennesseyFire #ThirteenFourFire #calfire #WalbridgeFire

[Shitty of Rohnert Park @ShittyOfRP]

@cishettio

[Shitty of Rohnert Park @ShittyOfRP]

ROHNERT PARK ALERT: NO FIRES IN RP, BECAUSE RP GOT THAT WAP 💅#calfire #wildfire #ThirteenFourFire #HennesseyFire #GambleFire

[Shitty of Rohnert Park @ShittyOfRP]

OOOOOO-WEEEE HERE WE GO FOLKS, THERE ARE NO EVACUATIONS IN ROHNERT PARK. WE’LL BE SURE TO REMIND YOU EVERY 30 MINS.

[Shitty of Rohnert Park @ShittyOfRP]

ROHNERT PARK ALERT: Y'ALL READY FOR 2020 FIRE SEASON?

[Shitty of Rohnert Park @ShittyOfRP]

ROHNERT PARK ALERT: ALL EVACUATIONS LIFTED, WHICH MEANS THE ONLY THING THAT MADE US SPECIAL IS GONE. 😥 SEE YOU NEXT YEAR! UNTIL THEN, COME FOR THE BIG BOX STORES, STAY FOR THE BANAL CHAIN RESTAURANTS. #KincadeFire #rohnertpark #nixle

[Shitty of Rohnert Park @ShittyOfRP]

ROHNERT PARK ALERT: NO ZEST IN RP. NO JE NE SAIS QUOI IN RP. NO FIRE IN RP. 🙅‍♀️ #rohnertpark #nixle #KincadeFire

[Shitty of Rohnert Park @ShittyOfRP]

@ilike_mike HEY PG&E, QUIT HORNING IN ON THE CITY OF ROHNERT PARK’S TONE-DEAF GAME!

[Shitty of Rohnert Park @ShittyOfRP]

ROHNERT PARK ALERT: THE “EVERYTHING IS OK” NIXLE WILL SEND EVERY HOUR UNTIL EVERYTHING IS NOT OK. THEN WE WILL SEND THE “EVERYTHING IS NOT OK” NIXLE EVERY HOUR UNITL EVERYTHING IS OK #rohnertpark #nixle #kincadefire

[Shitty of Rohnert Park @ShittyOfRP]

ROHNERT PARK ALERT: NO EVACUATIONS IN S SECTION, H SECTION, I SECTION OR T SECTION! TY RP! #rohnertpark #kincadefire #nixle

[Shitty of Rohnert Park @ShittyOfRP]

ROHNERT PARK ALERT: NO EVACUATIONS IN ROHNERT PARK LIKE, EVER, IN OUR ENTIRE 57 YEARS OF MEDIOCRITY. #rohnertpark #nixle #KincadeFire

[Shitty of Rohnert Park @ShittyOfRP]

ROHNERT PARK ALERT: LOVE MASS TRANSIT BUT HATE THE HOMELESS? WE’VE GOT ONE SOLUTION THAT SOLVES BOTH PROBLEMS! #nixle #KincadeFire #TooSoon

[Shitty of Rohnert Park @ShittyOfRP]

ROHNERT PARK HAIKU ALERT:
.
STRIP MALLS, PARKING LOTS
ZERO PERSONALITY
NO FIRE IN RP
.
#rohnertpark #nixle #kincadefire

[Shitty of Rohnert Park @ShittyOfRP]

ROHNERT PARK ALERT: YOU CAN’T SILENCE OUR NIXLE NONSENSE. #nixle #kincadefire

[Shitty of Rohnert Park @ShittyOfRP]

ROHNERT PARK ALERT: HAHA MADE YOU LOOK #nixle #KincadeFire

[Shitty of Rohnert Park @ShittyOfRP]

ROHNERT PARK ALERT: WE’RE HELLA FINE. WE MAY BE A CULTURELESS BEDROOM COMMUNITY BUT Y’KNOW, NO FIRE! (EXCEPT AT OUR TENT CITY) #nixle #KincadeFire

[Shitty of Rohnert Park @ShittyOfRP]

ROHNERT PARK ALERT: GET TRIGGERED BY THE SOUND OF NIXLE ALERTS? TOUGH TITTY SAID THE KITTY, ROHNERT PARK SITTIN’ PRETTY. #nixle #rohnertpark #kincadefire

[Shitty of Rohnert Park @ShittyOfRP]

ROHNERT PARK ALERT: TOWNS THAT HAVE COSTCO, TAKE ONE STEP FORWARD. TOWNS THAT HAVE CHILIS, TAKE ONE STEP FORWARD. TOWNS THAT HAVE NO FIRE, TAKE ONE STEP OH HO HO... NOT SO FAST, EVERY TOWN EXCEPT ROHNERT PARK. #nixle #KincadeFire

[Shitty of Rohnert Park @ShittyOfRP]

ROHNERT PARK ALERT: CAN’T SLEEP BECAUSE NIXLE KEEPS WAKING YOU UP WITH RP BULLSHIT? GOOD NEWS! RP HAS 11 #STARBUCKS LOCATIONS TO SERVE YOU! (ALSO: RP STILL HUNKY DORY) #nixle #kincadefire

[Shitty of Rohnert Park @ShittyOfRP]

ROHNERT PARK ALERT: ROHNERT PARK IS FINE AND DANDY LIKE COTTON CANDY. #nixle #kincadefire