Regan

I'll try anything once. Twice if I like it

[Pirate Wires @PirateWires]

Black Friday is Dead
the glory days of stampedes, brawls, and shootouts over parking spaces are over. the old black friday is dead. long live the new black friday.

For most of my life, Black Friday has been a bloodbath of libidinal consumerism. Every year, we turned housewives into gladiators, arguing and beating each other over discounted bath towels at JC Penny. Black Friday meant pulling a gun in a Toys “R” US, being trampled to death by a crowd of 2,000 at Walmart, or having an old-West-style shootout over a parking spot in Tallahassee. In 2008, someone even created the website “Black Friday Death Count.” Black Friday always meant many things: a rush of adrenaline, excitement, fear, anxiety, and rage.

But this morning I felt bored. It was 5:45 AM, 15 minutes before opening time, at my local Walmart. A dozen or so people waited by the doors. They looked bored. The scene at Target around 6 am was similar. When I went to Kohl’s, which was already open, it was no more or less busy than it was last Thursday, when I randomly wandered in to pick up a Brita filter. I saw no fights, no arguments, no running.

I wondered, is Black Friday dead?

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This is an excerpt from River Page's (@river_is_nice) article called "Black Friday is Dead." Read it in full by subscribing to @PirateWires on @X, or checking out the story below. All references for this post are on our website.

[Gerry McBride @GerryMcBride]

Lemme tell you what this show is, I was halfway through it earlier in the year and one night I got home from work and wasn't in the mood to watch something stressful so I opted to watch a 9/11 documentary instead

[ellory smith @ellorysmith]

The quality of sweaters has declined so greatly in the last twenty years that I think it genuinely necessitates a national conversation

[Regan @ShortVirginia]

Fucking brutal seeing Kylie Jenner live your fantasy

[Lauren Rinaldi 🧚‍♀️ @LRinaldiArt]

I’ve recently changed my opinion about Clarence Thomas going on expeditions with billionaires

[helena riley @freshhel]

If i saw a guy cry during the national anthem i would cheat on him

[Anna Kelly @AnnaKellyGOP]

I am once again asking people to stop putting two spaces after periods

[matt bernstein @mattxiv]

before the year ends, i wanted to document the most unhinged conservative moments of 2022 in one place. here it is

the tucker carlson unsexy m&m scandal

[RedditCFB @RedditCFB]

If the Orange Bowl is not this uniform matchup we will RIOT

[✨ the fool ✨ @lilsticker97]

harry styles and olivia wilde broke up ??? if ur a man delete my number I’m on a mission that no longer concerns u

[Willie Muse @Williesillie2]

Someone got visited by 3 ghosts last night

[Kirk Herbstreit @KirkHerbstreit]

Still thinking about Neyland this morning. The brick around the stadium-inside the tunnel with the banners-the stadium is massive but has like a “friendly confines” kind of feel where it doesn’t seem as big as it is-throw in the passion and game ops-just incredible!
@Vol_Football

[michael @FilledwithUrine]

idc if vans aren’t good hiking shoes i’m not gonna look lame in front of the squirrels

[Charley Collier @charleycollier_]

“This LSU fan base is different man. It’s just a different type of loud. I know the Vols think Neyland is loud but Death Valley is different. They’ve never seen anything like it! And our fans never leave early” -a real quote from someone on LSU’s recruiting staff to me this week

[Regan @ShortVirginia]

Love the placement of the One Direction poster in my freshman dorm, how can I do this stylishly in my adult bedroom