Rat Shurmur

I’m Pat Shurmur’s cousin. He sucks at coaching football

[Rat Shurmur @ShurmursAss69]

Glad to see my prodigy QB fall 5 rounds and go to an exceptional program in Cleveland. But was really hoping he’d come back for one more year, I miss our post-game showers.

[Rat Shurmur @ShurmursAss69]

Crazy how another team in Colorado hired my cuz Pat. Thought PornHub would hire him after he screwed the entire Broncos organization

[Rat Shurmur @ShurmursAss69]

Love Deez Teammates #GoBuffs

[Rat Shurmur @ShurmursAss69]

Russ ghosted me cause he said I weighed him down last season. Smh I was the best thing that ever happened to him

[Rat Shurmur @ShurmursAss69]

It’s unfortunate that my cuz couldn’t get a win yesterday, I really do feel pity for him. What I don’t pity is his erectile dysfunction #LowT

[Rat Shurmur @ShurmursAss69]

@Kenneth85473877 Ill bootleg my balls right up your gut #gutted

[Rat Shurmur @ShurmursAss69]

My cuz said he’s not sure what wrong with his offensive gamelan. I told him to take a page out of Hitler’s Blitzkrieg plan

[Rat Shurmur @ShurmursAss69]

Just got off the phone with my cuz Nathaniel. He said he’s getting a lot of heat to cut Melvin, but he said the heat he is feeling doesn’t compare to Melvin’s touch at night

[Rat Shurmur @ShurmursAss69]

My cuz Nathaniel said he’s not too sure how to call an offense. I told him to stay true to himself and call the bath house

[Rat Shurmur @ShurmursAss69]

My bro Pat just texted me “Pray for Ukraine” but yet he voted for Biden. Seems pretty contradicting if you ask me #soybean

[Rat Shurmur @ShurmursAss69]

@FauxPatShurmur @FauxNateHackett Good to hear, don’t forget the bronzer.

[Rat Shurmur @ShurmursAss69]

@ASatinwood My Bro Pat said it’s nice this time of year ;)

[Rat Shurmur @ShurmursAss69]

@ASatinwood My bro Pat may enlist, he needs the money now.

[Rat Shurmur @ShurmursAss69]

@lindsaybebout My bro Pat said that if they did the fake jet sweep with him enough it would open up the deep balls. I say the only deep balls he was planning for were in his throat.

[Lindsay Bebout @lindsaybebout]

How in the actual fuck did we go a whole season without Jerry Jeudy getting a touchdown?!?!

[Rat Shurmur @ShurmursAss69]

My bro Pat said the #Broncos offense couldn’t protect the A gap. I told him he need to protect his own A gap some more

[Rat Shurmur @ShurmursAss69]

My bro Pat is speechless after Melvin Gordon fumbled. He said he’s usually fantastic at handling his balls

[Rat Shurmur @ShurmursAss69]

It was probably my bro Pat’s last game as an OC. Kinda sucks, but at least he won’t blow games anymore like it’s Haight-Ashbury