Silas University

⛏ A legitimate educational institution. ⛏

[Silas University @SilasUniversity]

Yes. Fine. We absolutely promise that no one is going to feed anyone to a Giant Anglerfish. Happy now?

[Silas University @SilasUniversity]

I mean-- I can't even imagine a situation where it would apply--

[Silas University @SilasUniversity]

We understand your need for assurances but you can't seriously expect us to--

[Silas University @SilasUniversity]

(The filthy, disturbed young lady we found at the edge of the pit has indicated you've been running low.)

[Silas University @SilasUniversity]

So if you'll stop throwing rocks, we'll provide first aid. And food. And tampons.

[Silas University @SilasUniversity]

...and whatever was on the other end of those tentacles for a radioactive pit.

[Silas University @SilasUniversity]

The Austrian government has no interest in fighting Amazons and intelligent fungi....

[Silas University @SilasUniversity]

Alright. Clearly you're traumatized. And heavily armed. And possibly octopi.

[Silas University @SilasUniversity]

Mein Gott! Where are those tentacles coming from?

[Silas University @SilasUniversity]

We appreciate that recent events may have left you suspicious of authority figures, but we can assure you that--

[Silas University @SilasUniversity]

Please put down your shovels. & Pickaxes. & Fire-breathing lizards.

[Silas University @SilasUniversity]

Attention: "Students" of Silas. This is Cpt. Hesselius of the Jagdkommando. We are here to help.

[Silas University @SilasUniversity]

The End of the World is not an acceptable excuse for missed classes. GET TO WORK YOU WORMS, OR SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES!

[Silas University @SilasUniversity]

Followed immediately by the total loss of the sun. Please plan accordingly.

[Silas University @SilasUniversity]

Students in the immediate vicinity of campus may notice a diminution of available light.

[Silas University @SilasUniversity]

Those responsible will be tracked down and... possibly promoted. I rather like this girl.

[Silas University @SilasUniversity]

Why is my desk littered with chocolate and gummy bears? And why is my phone... sticky?

[Silas University @SilasUniversity]

Oh god. She's totally coming back! REMEMBER ME AS A HERO!

[Silas University @SilasUniversity]

Which might be like, the Dean's? Whatever. She's gone and it's not like she's ever coming back--

[Silas University @SilasUniversity]

I like, valorously risked my fingers to propel us to safety via tweets from this blinged up magic phone.