Olivia
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The Caffeinated Brain
@SilentPandemic
Psychiatrists, Toxicologists and Allergists Address Caffeinism’s Mimicry of Anxiety Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, Schizophrenia, and Other Mental Illnesses
Joined June 2020
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“Caffeine is the cause of innumerable cases of psychosis and dementia misdiagnosed as anxiety, bipolar disorder and schizophrenia—as an increasing number of health professionals are declaring.”
https://t.co/RZ0DoZMJzp
Empathy for her, obviously. Read it again. I barely scratched the surface of my psychosis and later trauma. I only pointed out what was relevant to hers.
My post was “loquacious” because the tongueless, eye-bulging horror of emerging from psychosis is inexpressible to anyone who hasn’t experienced it. It takes a lot of explaining.
And still most people won’t get it. Which is normal. But it doesn’t make them any less ignorant.
As for your claim that “she could snap again at any moment!”:
If she’d exhibited to a single nurse, doctor, janitor, receptionist or security guard any sign of psychosis in the last 3 years, in the hospital she’s been held in since January 2023, the prosecution would have made them a star witness.
She was only in psychosis because multiple doctors at multiple institutions failed to involuntarily commit her or probe seriously for psychosis as she and her husband reported early and often her feelings of disassociation, her sleeplessness, her inability to tell what was unreal from what was real, and her “intrusive thoughts”—all triggers or markers of psychosis—as they wrote her 30 prescriptions for 13 different medications in a 4-month span, sometimes without consulting one another. And while knowing that some of the meds they prescribed cause psychosis.
Her critics are only perpetuating more tragedies by shifting blame to her:
By insisting "there is no excuse" in cases of medication-induced psychosis, and by claiming that a person in psychosis is "selfish" when in fact they're often unaware of their anosognosia, you're doing the precise opposite of protecting future children from being victimized.
https://t.co/qBh2s5EozR
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@SuzieSeeksTruth Exactly. And by blaming Lindsay, her critics are doing precisely what the system wants: shifting the blame from doctors and Big Pharma to the victim—which is the surest path to more tragedies:
By insisting "there is no excuse" in cases of medication-induced psychosis, and by claiming that a person in psychosis is "selfish" when in fact they're often unaware of their anosognosia, you're doing the precise opposite of protecting future children from being victimized.
https://t.co/qBh2s5EozR
@kolodz29110 @MattWalshBlog 1) She has been emotional, crying and sobbing. How much of the trial have you watched?
2) It's been more than three years since she killed her children, and she's been medicated and in therapy.
3) She's probably still on medication to blunt the trauma.
Zeizel said she has bad days and worse ones. I only point that out because critics might pounce and say the worst day was the day she killed her children.
Which is true. But if every day is worse than the one before, she’s still trying to process the horror. She’ll never fully process it. She has to lose herself in a dream world to some extent. The dream world that everyone who can function is living in, because “humankind cannot bear very much reality.” Though trauma meds may be doing some of that for her, at the cost of robbing her of herself. But whatever it takes to keep her from suicide. 💔
@llblake111 @MattWalshBlog 🙏 Since her psychosis led to violence (of the most horrific kind), she has a much steeper hill to climb than I did. And I barely made it out alive.
She deserves to be free. She’s only a threat to herself. I hope she can find peace and the will to live again. It won’t be easy.
How is someone who is largely unaware of her symptoms (anosognosia), and who responsibly reports those symptoms when she IS aware, deserving of blame in the slightest?
If every one of her critics experienced just a minute of psychosis, she’d be free right now instead of enduring this cruelest of trials. Or she’d be hospitalized but only for suicidality. She’s only a threat to herself.
Exactly. I had a brief psychosis 20 years ago, and she’s no more guilty than I was for crossing streets without looking. As horrific as the ramifications are for moral law.
She’s lost almost everything in the most torturous way imaginable. She’s only a threat to herself. A heart-shattering tragedy.
Matt, I’m not a woman. I’m not a Leftist. And I’m telling you that you are wholly ignorant on this topic.
It couldn’t be clearer that you don’t know what an “intrusive thought” is. Or that you can't differentiate between a victimizing psychotic and a victim of a psychotic break.
When you’re right you usually hit the nail on the head. When you’re wrong, you can be very wrong. And you're grievously wrong here.
Lindsay Clancy is completely blameless.
Count your blessings that you’ve never experienced psychosis. I experienced it 20 years ago (brain allergy), and it nearly annihilated me. There’s no way to communicate the horror of realizing that I’d been delusional and lost my moral compass for several months.
Unlike Lindsay, I never had an impulse to hurt anyone. But among my paranoias I did have one hostile thought, without realizing it. Had my psychosis continued to progress, I may well have physically harmed people. I had no more control over my thoughts and behavior than I did over my sudden habit of crossing streets without looking.
Fortunately I learned the cause of my symptoms, after two potentially fatal misdiagnoses. Within months my clarity returned, without medication. But slowly realizing each of my many delusions—especially that one hostile thought—nearly drove me to suicide. I sobbed convulsively almost every waking moment. I cried even in my sleep. I’d wake up to find my pillow soaked through with tears.
It’s no mystery why Lindsay crushed and swallowed pills, slit her wrists and throat, and hurled herself out a window. And then repeatedly requested a Do Not Resuscitate order.
Anyone insisting that she “wanted out of family obligations” is weaving a fantasy. By all accounts it was her dream to have a family—a dream she was fulfilling. Her relatives, friends and coworkers, as well as her children’s teachers and caregivers, have made it abundantly clear that she was a loving, attentive mother.
Her critics’ fantasy is understandable. It’s less terrifying to believe she’s a monster than it is to face the fact that with a sufficient alteration of brain chemistry, anyone might hallucinate and do something unspeakable. It’s a massive rip in the moral fabric of the universe. It’s too awful to contemplate. Nevertheless it’s true.
That criminals exist who feign mental illness, or use it as an excuse, doesn't make genuine psychosis any less real.
Her doubters insist that Lindsay was clearheaded and calculating when she sent her husband on errands that night. They claim that because she seemed normal all day, and sounded normal on the phone with him, she was in her right mind and consciously plotted to kill her children.
They’re wrong. It’s a grave misconception to think that a person can’t appear normal before, after and even during a psychotic break. I did precisely that for the first three months of my six-month psychosis. As I drifted in and out of acute episodes, I worked, socialized, went to the gym, made plans, and traveled across the country for a wedding—where I came this close to wandering off into the mountains of Telluride, hoping to vanish forever. No one knew.
In the midst of my most delusional thoughts, I seemed normal to almost everyone.
I also seemed normal to myself—except for rare, brief, horrifying moments of insight. Like Lindsay, I reached out for help in those moments.
Just a week after my first delusion, I told a client I had to stop working because “Something is happening to me,” “I’m crossing streets without looking,” and “I think I’m making people uncomfortable.” Unaware of the extent of my brain damage, they assumed I was just overwhelmed by stress, and persuaded me to stay.
Two months later, besieged by worsening delusions and panic attacks, I finally quit. Only then, three months after my first paranoid episode, did it dawn on my family and friends that something was wrong.
A month after that, I had another window of awareness. Like Lindsay, who twice called a suicide hotline, I became desperately suicidal. A relative suggested I call a local psychologist, who agreed to see me within the hour. But by the time I walked the several blocks to his office, I’d forgotten what my flash of insight had shown me. Through my fog I could only recall a few manic episodes and panic attacks. I had no recollection or consciousness of my delusions, acute memory loss, semantic deficits, or perseverations. Which led to a terrible if understandable misdiagnosis.
Likewise, Lindsay may have been oblivious to her worst symptoms—not lying or concealing them—on certain occasions when she met with her doctors for treatment.
That’s the nature of psychosis.
She says a voice commanded her: “This is your last chance. Kill the children so you can kill yourself.” Why disbelieve her? For months she and her husband had reported to her healthcare providers her sleeplessness, intrusive thoughts, dissociation and confusion about what is real. All of which are either triggers or markers of psychosis.
The system she turned to in desperation failed her. Experienced psychiatrists are troubled by the 30 prescriptions for 13 medications that she was prescribed in a four-month period: https://t.co/OfWIwqWE6j…
To her critics who complain, “What about her innocent children? They’re the real victims.” Of course her children are the most tragic victims in this most unthinkable of tragedies. The mother who gave birth to them, nurtured them and adored them relives their suffering—and feels their forever loss—more profoundly and with greater horror than you or I could ever imagine.
She’s living a nightmare. She’s lost her children in the most horrific way, she’s lost her husband, and she’s probably paralyzed for life. And instead of every heart bleeding for her, half the world is at her throat.
There but for the grace of God we all go.
Have pity.
@Trumpsters45 https://t.co/nXs2ehwnwp
1) Because she’s in a hospital where she likely has no choice.
2) Because she needs them for the trauma of horror, which this cruelest of trials is forcing her to relive.
3) Because they’re not the same meds she was on when she reported (early and often, to doctors and suicide hotlines) feelings of dissociation, disconnection from reality, suicidality and “intrusive thoughts,” as she was issued 30 prescriptions for 13 different drugs in a 4-month span, by doctors who rarely communicated with one another and who failed to commit her involuntarily or even examine her for psychosis despite the obvious warning signs.
@crystaljpropes https://t.co/nXs2ehwnwp
1) Because she’s in a hospital where she likely has no choice.
2) Because she needs them for the trauma of horror, which this cruelest of trials is forcing her to relive.
3) Because they’re not the same meds she was on when she reported (early and often, to doctors and suicide hotlines) feelings of dissociation, disconnection from reality, suicidality and “intrusive thoughts,” as she was issued 30 prescriptions for 13 different drugs in a 4-month span, by doctors who rarely communicated with one another and who failed to commit her involuntarily or even examine her for psychosis despite the obvious warning signs.
@VioletaVallar @MattWalshBlog Thank you. And it’s nothing compared with what she has to endure. Heartbreaking.
@owl_elc https://t.co/r8ZDuWWpoY
Matt, I’m not a woman. I’m not a Leftist. And I’m telling you that you are wholly ignorant on this topic.
It couldn’t be clearer that you don’t know what an “intrusive thought” is. Or that you can't differentiate between a victimizing psychotic and a victim of a psychotic break.
When you’re right you usually hit the nail on the head. When you’re wrong, you can be very wrong. And you're grievously wrong here.
Lindsay Clancy is completely blameless.
Count your blessings that you’ve never experienced psychosis. I experienced it 20 years ago (brain allergy), and it nearly annihilated me. There’s no way to communicate the horror of realizing that I’d been delusional and lost my moral compass for several months.
Unlike Lindsay, I never had an impulse to hurt anyone. But among my paranoias I did have one hostile thought, without realizing it. Had my psychosis continued to progress, I may well have physically harmed people. I had no more control over my thoughts and behavior than I did over my sudden habit of crossing streets without looking.
Fortunately I learned the cause of my symptoms, after two potentially fatal misdiagnoses. Within months my clarity returned, without medication. But slowly realizing each of my many delusions—especially that one hostile thought—nearly drove me to suicide. I sobbed convulsively almost every waking moment. I cried even in my sleep. I’d wake up to find my pillow soaked through with tears.
It’s no mystery why Lindsay crushed and swallowed pills, slit her wrists and throat, and hurled herself out a window. And then repeatedly requested a Do Not Resuscitate order.
Anyone insisting that she “wanted out of family obligations” is weaving a fantasy. By all accounts it was her dream to have a family—a dream she was fulfilling. Her relatives, friends and coworkers, as well as her children’s teachers and caregivers, have made it abundantly clear that she was a loving, attentive mother.
Her critics’ fantasy is understandable. It’s less terrifying to believe she’s a monster than it is to face the fact that with a sufficient alteration of brain chemistry, anyone might hallucinate and do something unspeakable. It’s a massive rip in the moral fabric of the universe. It’s too awful to contemplate. Nevertheless it’s true.
That criminals exist who feign mental illness, or use it as an excuse, doesn't make genuine psychosis any less real.
Her doubters insist that Lindsay was clearheaded and calculating when she sent her husband on errands that night. They claim that because she seemed normal all day, and sounded normal on the phone with him, she was in her right mind and consciously plotted to kill her children.
They’re wrong. It’s a grave misconception to think that a person can’t appear normal before, after and even during a psychotic break. I did precisely that for the first three months of my six-month psychosis. As I drifted in and out of acute episodes, I worked, socialized, went to the gym, made plans, and traveled across the country for a wedding—where I came this close to wandering off into the mountains of Telluride, hoping to vanish forever. No one knew.
In the midst of my most delusional thoughts, I seemed normal to almost everyone.
I also seemed normal to myself—except for rare, brief, horrifying moments of insight. Like Lindsay, I reached out for help in those moments.
Just a week after my first delusion, I told a client I had to stop working because “Something is happening to me,” “I’m crossing streets without looking,” and “I think I’m making people uncomfortable.” Unaware of the extent of my brain damage, they assumed I was just overwhelmed by stress, and persuaded me to stay.
Two months later, besieged by worsening delusions and panic attacks, I finally quit. Only then, three months after my first paranoid episode, did it dawn on my family and friends that something was wrong.
A month after that, I had another window of awareness. Like Lindsay, who twice called a suicide hotline, I became desperately suicidal. A relative suggested I call a local psychologist, who agreed to see me within the hour. But by the time I walked the several blocks to his office, I’d forgotten what my flash of insight had shown me. Through my fog I could only recall a few manic episodes and panic attacks. I had no recollection or consciousness of my delusions, acute memory loss, semantic deficits, or perseverations. Which led to a terrible if understandable misdiagnosis.
Likewise, Lindsay may have been oblivious to her worst symptoms—not lying or concealing them—on certain occasions when she met with her doctors for treatment.
That’s the nature of psychosis.
She says a voice commanded her: “This is your last chance. Kill the children so you can kill yourself.” Why disbelieve her? For months she and her husband had reported to her healthcare providers her sleeplessness, intrusive thoughts, dissociation and confusion about what is real. All of which are either triggers or markers of psychosis.
The system she turned to in desperation failed her. Experienced psychiatrists are troubled by the 30 prescriptions for 13 medications that she was prescribed in a four-month period: https://t.co/OfWIwqWE6j…
To her critics who complain, “What about her innocent children? They’re the real victims.” Of course her children are the most tragic victims in this most unthinkable of tragedies. The mother who gave birth to them, nurtured them and adored them relives their suffering—and feels their forever loss—more profoundly and with greater horror than you or I could ever imagine.
She’s living a nightmare. She’s lost her children in the most horrific way, she’s lost her husband, and she’s probably paralyzed for life. And instead of every heart bleeding for her, half the world is at her throat.
There but for the grace of God we all go.
Have pity.
It covers many symptoms. I had symptoms common to bipolar, schizophrenia and behavioral-variant frontotemporal dementia. My psychosis resolved within months. That was two decades ago.
https://t.co/74iweGvl10 is another helpful site.
But the foundation of orthomolecular medicine is that everyone is different (“biochemical individuality”). Medication works for many.
Best of luck to you.
I had a psychotic break 20 years ago. Which is why I worked, socialized, and functioned normally—and even traveled across the country to a wedding—for months after my first delusion.
There’s an unbridgeable gulf between a psychopath (who knows what he or she is doing) and a person in psychosis (who doesn’t).
Anosognosia is real—and unutterably horrifying.
Matt, I’m not a woman. I’m not a Leftist. And I’m telling you that you are wholly ignorant on this topic.
It couldn’t be clearer that you don’t know what an “intrusive thought” is. Or that you can't differentiate between a victimizing psychotic and a victim of a psychotic break.
When you’re right you usually hit the nail on the head. When you’re wrong, you can be very wrong. And you're grievously wrong here.
Lindsay Clancy is completely blameless.
Count your blessings that you’ve never experienced psychosis. I experienced it 20 years ago (brain allergy), and it nearly annihilated me. There’s no way to communicate the horror of realizing that I’d been delusional and lost my moral compass for several months.
Unlike Lindsay, I never had an impulse to hurt anyone. But among my paranoias I did have one hostile thought, without realizing it. Had my psychosis continued to progress, I may well have physically harmed people. I had no more control over my thoughts and behavior than I did over my sudden habit of crossing streets without looking.
Fortunately I learned the cause of my symptoms, after two potentially fatal misdiagnoses. Within months my clarity returned, without medication. But slowly realizing each of my many delusions—especially that one hostile thought—nearly drove me to suicide. I sobbed convulsively almost every waking moment. I cried even in my sleep. I’d wake up to find my pillow soaked through with tears.
It’s no mystery why Lindsay crushed and swallowed pills, slit her wrists and throat, and hurled herself out a window. And then repeatedly requested a Do Not Resuscitate order.
Anyone insisting that she “wanted out of family obligations” is weaving a fantasy. By all accounts it was her dream to have a family—a dream she was fulfilling. Her relatives, friends and coworkers, as well as her children’s teachers and caregivers, have made it abundantly clear that she was a loving, attentive mother.
Her critics’ fantasy is understandable. It’s less terrifying to believe she’s a monster than it is to face the fact that with a sufficient alteration of brain chemistry, anyone might hallucinate and do something unspeakable. It’s a massive rip in the moral fabric of the universe. It’s too awful to contemplate. Nevertheless it’s true.
That criminals exist who feign mental illness, or use it as an excuse, doesn't make genuine psychosis any less real.
Her doubters insist that Lindsay was clearheaded and calculating when she sent her husband on errands that night. They claim that because she seemed normal all day, and sounded normal on the phone with him, she was in her right mind and consciously plotted to kill her children.
They’re wrong. It’s a grave misconception to think that a person can’t appear normal before, after and even during a psychotic break. I did precisely that for the first three months of my six-month psychosis. As I drifted in and out of acute episodes, I worked, socialized, went to the gym, made plans, and traveled across the country for a wedding—where I came this close to wandering off into the mountains of Telluride, hoping to vanish forever. No one knew.
In the midst of my most delusional thoughts, I seemed normal to almost everyone.
I also seemed normal to myself—except for rare, brief, horrifying moments of insight. Like Lindsay, I reached out for help in those moments.
Just a week after my first delusion, I told a client I had to stop working because “Something is happening to me,” “I’m crossing streets without looking,” and “I think I’m making people uncomfortable.” Unaware of the extent of my brain damage, they assumed I was just overwhelmed by stress, and persuaded me to stay.
Two months later, besieged by worsening delusions and panic attacks, I finally quit. Only then, three months after my first paranoid episode, did it dawn on my family and friends that something was wrong.
A month after that, I had another window of awareness. Like Lindsay, who twice called a suicide hotline, I became desperately suicidal. A relative suggested I call a local psychologist, who agreed to see me within the hour. But by the time I walked the several blocks to his office, I’d forgotten what my flash of insight had shown me. Through my fog I could only recall a few manic episodes and panic attacks. I had no recollection or consciousness of my delusions, acute memory loss, semantic deficits, or perseverations. Which led to a terrible if understandable misdiagnosis.
Likewise, Lindsay may have been oblivious to her worst symptoms—not lying or concealing them—on certain occasions when she met with her doctors for treatment.
That’s the nature of psychosis.
She says a voice commanded her: “This is your last chance. Kill the children so you can kill yourself.” Why disbelieve her? For months she and her husband had reported to her healthcare providers her sleeplessness, intrusive thoughts, dissociation and confusion about what is real. All of which are either triggers or markers of psychosis.
The system she turned to in desperation failed her. Experienced psychiatrists are troubled by the 30 prescriptions for 13 medications that she was prescribed in a four-month period: https://t.co/OfWIwqWE6j…
To her critics who complain, “What about her innocent children? They’re the real victims.” Of course her children are the most tragic victims in this most unthinkable of tragedies. The mother who gave birth to them, nurtured them and adored them relives their suffering—and feels their forever loss—more profoundly and with greater horror than you or I could ever imagine.
She’s living a nightmare. She’s lost her children in the most horrific way, she’s lost her husband, and she’s probably paralyzed for life. And instead of every heart bleeding for her, half the world is at her throat.
There but for the grace of God we all go.
Have pity.
She says a voice commanded her to kill her children and herself. I believe her.
I was “calm and busy” before, after and almost always DURING all my paranoid delusions.
Like me, she seems to have been an open book who sought help every time she had a window of awareness.
She should have been involuntarily committed or at least examined for psychosis as she reported early, often and consistently feelings of dissociation, loss of contact with reality and suicidality—and later “intrusive thoughts”—while being issued 30 prescriptions for 13 different medications in 4 months, by various doctors who sometimes didn’t even consult one another.
1) No one in psychosis should have to voluntarily commit. They are largely unaware of their symptoms (anosognosia).
She had all the markers of psychosis, and had been reporting several of them to doctors and suicide hotlines for months. She was probably unaware of many other episodes, as I was.
2) That she checked herself in voluntarily shows that she was desperate for help.
3) She checked herself out to organize her daughter’s 5th birthday party. Which doesn’t sound to me like someone looking to “get out of family duties.”
4) She may have felt McLean wasn’t helping. One former McLean employee has said staffing and care are pretty abysmal during the holidays.
https://t.co/hGNYU4ufcS…
After my brain allergy was properly diagnosed and I realized I’d had delusions, I became suicidal and checked myself into a hospital. All they did was give me Haldol, Depakote and Klonopin—the first drugs I’d ever taken—and sit me in front of a TV. I felt like a zombie when clarity was what I wanted, no matter how horrifying and humiliating it was to realize I’d had delusions.
So I tongued and flushed the meds, and convinced the doctors I was fine so I could get back to work. It took two weeks to convince them I wasn’t suicidal. Even though I very much was. Every single instant.
But it certainly wasn’t doing me any good to watch cartoons and attend group sessions where we were given ten minutes to write down 10 things we like to do on the outside (“I like to ride a bicycle!”), before discussing them for an hour.
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