I really really really want to relapse and restrict again or purge but im in forced recovery and being practically constantly monitored with that stuff u ng jgg gg n
I get close with people and then they actually want to talk and interact with me and i pull away because i get exhausted until they give up and i get anxious and panic that they are going to leave and i dont know why i really hate it
All ive been able to think about the past week is how much i want to spray bleach in one of my eyes to permanently blind myself but im unsure of how much it would hurt
I often want someone to be awful to me again or make me feel trapped and miserable just so i can punish myself for being too happy or my life being too good