Simba

allergic to mediocrity

[Culture Stacked @CultureStacked]

Argentina fans ahead of the semi final clash against England. 🇦🇷🤩

[Simons @Simon_Ingari]

Google Maps knows there's a traffic jam 10 km ahead. There are no cameras on that road.

Here's How:

[George T. Diano @georgediano]

Six is the magic number. Chesaa!!

[Larry Madowo @LarryMadowo]

BREAKING VIDEO: Kenya’s Sabastian Sawe becomes the first person ever to win a regular marathon in under two hours, setting a new world record at the London Marathon in 1:59:30!

Kenyans invented running™

[George T. Diano @georgediano]

It was a baad bad day in office for the Mikora Taskforce, an elite squad that had apparently mistaken crime for a side hustle. Daughters of Agrippina were apprehended mid-operation while conducting illegal asset recovery and wealth multiplication inside a boutique that doubles as an M-Pesa shop. These three musketeers had perfected a routine.

They walk in like innocent customers, request a withdrawal, then deploy mysterious confusion technology a.k.a kifunga macho on the poor M-Pesa agent and vanish with float yioote. Unfortunately today marked their 40th day and as fate would have it, the prophecy was fulfilled instantly and violently.

Before they could toka syakaa, caring walimwengu descended with a comprehensive open air massage package with not so happy endings. And as y'all can see, they were disciplined like burukenge. Nyahunyo zilitembea kwa sunduus namna hatari.

As we speak, the trio has checked into the govt owned Airbnb where there's complimentary meals, tight security & zero freedom of movement. Sitting down is now a luxury activity reserved for law abiding citizens, Sundus zinawaka moto hapana machesoo.

For the next two weeks, they’ll be conducting all meetings while standing, leaning, or negotiating with gravity. The way Kasongo's economy is taking a toll on walimwengu, Mikoras should know that saizi ukishikwa in the line of duty, Kenyans now has a lethal customer feedback system, you will not survive. Chesaa!!

[Simba @Simbamechanica]

@ledamalekina @ledamalekina lala bana ungoje Wantam movement iwatume home

[🔥🇺🇸 KC 🇺🇸🔥 @KCPayTreeIt]

@elonmusk 🤣

[Simba @Simbamechanica]

@edwinsifuna @SakajaJohnson A city of millions cannot be reduced to a mansion on a hill. Nairobi deserves better. #SakajaMustGo #RutoMustGo

[Simba @Simbamechanica]

@KenyanFever2 A city of millions cannot be reduced to a mansion on a hill. Nairobi deserves better. #SakajaMustGo #RutoMustGo

[Simba @Simbamechanica]

@itsdante_nrg @GathuaGachora A city of millions cannot be reduced to a mansion on a hill. Nairobi deserves better. #SakajaMustGo #RutoMustGo

[Simba @Simbamechanica]

@lynn_ngugi1 @mananiinja A city of millions cannot be reduced to a mansion on a hill. Nairobi deserves better. #SakajaMustGo

[Simba @Simbamechanica]

#SakajaMustGo Nairobi is Bigger than the house on the hill.

[Edwin Sifuna @edwinsifuna]

The Governor of Nairobi assured us he wasn’t transferring any functions to the National Government. Im surprised to see a scheduled “signing ceremony” at statehouse this afternoon. As we await to see what the actual thing is I remind @SakajaJohnson to be mindful of the provisions of the constitution and the need for involvement of the electorate and the leadership of Nairobi prior to making such decisions. Any unconstitutional clawback to devolution shall be strenuously resisted. A comprehensive statement shall follow.

[George T. Diano @georgediano]

A story is told of how the Yamune cartels grew horns, tails, and big mouths to the point of confidently misleading Kasongo himself. Before the June protest, the president was reportedly briefed by NIS about the rising political temperature. But when your advisory board looks like a village group discussion led by Oscar Sudi as the Chairman and Farouk Kiberiti as the Secretariat, you can imagine how that meeting went.

Meanwhile, Nordin Hajji was somewhere in a corner office minding his own business, probably juggling intelligence files and counter-terror briefs about Al-Shabaab, while the political class was playing Kíptindinyôo at State House.

Then June 25th happened. Suddenly the minor issue turned into a full-blown political thunderstorm. That’s when NIS apparently decided Enough is enough. Next thing we heard, Farouk and the Yamune squad were gently escorted out of the inner circle like uninvited guests who overstayed at a private wedding.

These days seeing Farouk setting up mini political camps in Western feels like watching a retired headmaster trying to discipline his goats. He’s now ranting alongside kina Kawanjiku and Peter Salasya, a complete downgrade from issuing public instructions like he owned the remote control to the government.

Even the illiterate mongoose from Kapseret has reduced his daily selfies press conferences. The once fearsome monologues recorded in full HD confidence have quietly faded. The energy is Gone, even the cocomelon English is now on sabbatical.

At one point, Farouk was moving like a deputy president, publicly scolding Cabinet Secretaries & Governors as if they were late for tuition. Even people in government feared him the way comrades fear a surprise CAT. But politics is like Nairobi weather, today you’re the storm, tomorrow you’re looking for an umbrella.

While some order may have been restored around William Ruto’s inner circle, State House still sometimes looks like a shopping mall during festive seasons. Today it's NDC, tomorrow it's a UDA function, every Tom, Dick & Hurry accessing corridors like it’s muthuruwa market.

Nordin Hajji remains one of the most important asset in Ruto's administration followed by Monica Juma. The rest are just vibes & Inshallah as they milk the country dry. Btw even Ichungwah toned down, nikama pia kalipwa last wuooning. Faruk Kiberiti should serve as a lesson to others.

Today’s untouchable strongman can quickly become tomorrow’s village elder giving unsolicited advice under a mango tree. And the wheel keeps turning. Chesaa. Kama kawa sisi walala hoii hatuna maoni, Letu Jicho tu.👀

[MyGov. @MyGovKe]

LIST OF LICENSED AND AUTHORISED SACCO SOCIETIES IN KENYA FOR THE FINANCIAL YEAR ENDING 31ST DECEMBER 2026

[George T. Diano @georgediano]

This is Mr Peter Wamiti Mwangi, the police who shot and killed a businessman in Karatina, Nyeri County. Looking at his face, it's all remorse and regret. Am sure on that very day he never woke up and planned to kill someone..maybe he has never contemplated killing someone. One moment of excitement, thrill & high adrenaline and his entire life is now down the drain, someone else is in the morgue.

He was arresting suspects all his life, now he is arrested and is sleeping in the same cells he used to throw people in. The devil shows up ...guides you and he vanishes immediately you are in trouble with 4 lègs. Some kids, have no dad...a widow somewhere...a mother , all in tears.

In.court today was his mother maybe, wife , children and siblings. Maybe he never bought any land that can be used as a surety, ofcourse he has no cash to deposit a huge cash bail. His friends aren't here, his sherehe mates aren't here too.

It's a moment of loneliness, he is facing the harsh reality alone. His young wife will show up for some time then take off. She's probably being supplied with electricity as we speak. That's why I've always advised men to be keen, careful and avoid incidents of anger, they can mess you up.

A family somewhere is mourning their dead son, his consciousness knows it, that's the grim reality. Continue going round beating people & removing your gun every time you feel like threatening people. We shall see your emaciated parents in court, and watch you go to jail, nuguu ii.

When I started going to the gym, my stupid self thought I could fight with everyone. Pale Greatwall gardens, I once slapped an OCS and for some few minutes I was a hero and before they crowned me as the estate de facto leader, he silently called for a reinforcement.

I was handcuffed, thrown to cell for two days & I received thorough beating like a burukenge. I had to cough several thousands to buy my freedom otherwise I was definitely destined to a gated community somewhere along Kamiti Road. Chesaa!!

[Hon Millicent Omanga @MillicentOmanga]

Wueh !!! Enyewe this world is not my home 😭😭😭

[Maverick Aoko @AokoOtieno_]

I hear SHA is suddenly working.

20B meant for Affordable Housing has been pumped there

Nyota thing pia

Many things will MIRACULOUSLY work btwn now and August 2027

But 2028, mtajua hamjui. Especially his last term

United Opposition nayo ni jina. It's more divided than USSR

[Simba @Simbamechanica]

I earned my "Introduction to end-to-end analytics using Microsoft Fabric" badge! I’m so proud to be celebrating this achievement and hope this inspires you to start your own @MicrosoftLearn journey!

https://t.co/RXBaNmrTzo #MSLearnBadge