Simon Causer

about to embark on the next rich chapter of life

[Simon Causer @Simon65Causer]

Spanish food for Spanish weather! Home cooked #paella!

[Simon Causer @Simon65Causer]

Early morning stroll with the Birthday Girl! 13 today! @LucieGoosie1

[Simon Causer @Simon65Causer]

@WestMidRailway Your reply speaks volumes!!! Utterly disgraceful!

[Simon Causer @Simon65Causer]

@WestMidRailway any chance of the 2106 train actually turning up at Birmingham new st?

[Simon Causer @Simon65Causer]

@WestMidRailway 2144 …..still at new st!!! Truly unprofessional!!! Get a grip! Can I and other passengers have a refund?

[Simon Causer @Simon65Causer]

@WestMidRailway What a performance! A change of platform! Only to see the train I was on leave as I got to the new platform? Utter trash! Incompetent at its maximum!!! Can I and other passengers get a full refund?

[Simon Causer @Simon65Causer]

@KingofSW6 @englandcricket Look at me I know more about cricket than the professionals…..😴

[Simon Causer @Simon65Causer]

@WestMidRailway Not good enough!

[Simon Causer @Simon65Causer]

Happy Heavenly birthday Mom! 82 today! Hope Dad is spoiling you rotten. Love and miss you.

[Simon Causer @Simon65Causer]

@DPJHodges @Mike_Fabricant Oh do get a grip! 😴😴

[Simon Causer @Simon65Causer]

@TheFLZone @JacobsBen A contender suggests he’s either expressed an interest or applied for the job! I suspect neither is true! Do you have evidence otherwise or just shit stirring for fun?

[Simon Causer @Simon65Causer]

@9boomer 💔 sorry to hear this!

[Simon Causer @Simon65Causer]

@The_Forty_Four Isn’t it strange how people comment on the player but not the fan? What did the fan do to provoke the player?

[Simon Causer @Simon65Causer]

@gridcustomersuk Thank you! 👍

[Simon Causer @Simon65Causer]

@gridcustomersuk are you aware of 2 momentary power losses in WS14 area in the last hour?

[Simon Causer @Simon65Causer]

@JimmyRamBelieve My first Rams hero all those years ago…..

[Simon Causer @Simon65Causer]

@The_Forty_Four Best away fans at Pride Park all season!

[Popside Fanatics @PopsideFanatics]

We are in the 1990’s.
You’re a pub kid from the estate.

You’ve been dragged along so Dad can have “just the couple” before the game
(which is never just a couple).
Mum said, “Keep an eye on ’em.”
So now you’re part of the pub furniture.

You’re not on pints.
You’re on a pint glass of Coke that’s 90% ice.

Orange juice if they’re feeling flush.
Or a glass bottle of Panda Pop if the bar’s got some in.

You’re allowed near the pool table,
but only to “mind the cues”
and definitely not to touch the felt with sticky hands.

You build towers out of beer mats.
Little estates of your own.
Tower blocks.
Flats.
Entire communities that won’t make it past closing time.

There’s always snacks.
Scampi Fries.
Cheese & Onion crisps in blue packets.
Dry roasted nuts that make you cough but you pretend you like.

You drift about.
In and out of conversations.
Through clouds of smoke so thick you could chew it.

You start collecting empty glasses.
Two at a time if you’re feeling strong.
The bar staff call you “treacle” or “love”
and slide you a packet of crisps for your hard work.

The pub smells like stale lager, Embassy cigarettes, and someone’s overpowering aftershave they got for Christmas.
Big green ashtrays on every table.
All overflowing like tiny volcanoes.

The fruit machine is your PlayStation.
You stare at the lights.
The symbols.
The sounds.
Certain if you watch long enough, you’ll crack the code and become rich.

You get the shout from your Dad, ‘we’re going’.
On the way to the ground you have your starting 11 in mind.

On arriving the Dads get some beers in and tell you to bugger off to the seats/area or you begin to play football in the concourse with paper, plastic cups or other just to have a kick around.

The game goes by, win, lose or draw you have lost your voice from shouting, singing, calling the ref a wanker. You make your way back to the pub with the Dads and their sons. After a while you’re left with your Dad while the rest of the kids go home.

The dads are roaring.
Proper belly laughs.
Arguing about football like it’s politics.
Talking absolute nonsense with full confidence.

You hear words you’re not allowed to say.
Stories you’re not meant to know.
You don’t get all of it —
but you get the rhythm of it.
The warmth in it.

No one asks who you belong to.
They already know.
You’re our kid.

You get slipped a quid for crisps.
50p for the machine (that you’re not allowed to use… but do anyway).
Some old fella does a coin-behind-your-ear trick
while his cigarette ash hangs on for dear life.

It gets late.
Your eyes go heavy.

You curl up in the booth under Dad’s coat.
Sticky table.
Warm jacket.
Muffled laughter around you.

And everyone respects it.

They still shout across the pub like they’re hailing a bus,
but near you, voices drop.
Footsteps soften.

No one moves you.
No one complains.

You’re safe.
You’re known.
You belong to the room, and the room belongs to you.

And for a kid from the estate in 1990’s —

Life’s proper good

[Simon Causer @Simon65Causer]

@dcfcstephen The General has rediscovered his mojo!

[Simon Causer @Simon65Causer]

@skytv I have had 2 calls recently from the same number 01244337678. The caller claims to be from sky tv and is offering a discount! Can you confirm this is not a genuine call?