Simone

Comedian 🎤 Author 📚The Motherhood Comedy 🎭 Sunday Singles Insta @simonejspringer

[Simone @SimoneSpringer]

“Quarantine” Full video on YouTube! https://t.co/YlODgHkIEI

[Bernie Sanders @BernieSanders]

Great rally in Kenosha.

4,000 people came out to say:

NO tax breaks for billionaires.

NO cuts to Medicaid.

NO oligarchy.

NO authoritarianism.

NO MORE billionaires buying elections.

[Simone @SimoneSpringer]

Optimist: “Glass is half full.”
Pessimist: “Glass is half empty.”
ADD: “Where did I put my glass?”

[Simone @SimoneSpringer]

@wordsmithlegend Birds of a feather in a sea breeze are not a threat together.

Ominous

[Simone @SimoneSpringer]

I’m “I remember when tomatoes had taste” years old

[Simone @SimoneSpringer]

When someone says “my friend is so hot I don’t know why she’s single!” It’s her personality Sharon. It’s her personality.

[Simone @SimoneSpringer]

@RavenZech2 7 and 6 😊 could do a lot of good with both!

[Simone @SimoneSpringer]

Hear me out… Monopoly but with sugar daddies. So if you land on someone else’s property they’ll pay your rent.

[Simone @SimoneSpringer]

@Miss__Kitty__ So sorry 😢

[Simone @SimoneSpringer]

Titles of books I’ve never written include:

[Simone @SimoneSpringer]

The irony of it almost being hump day for No Nut November.

[Simone @SimoneSpringer]

Ditto

[Simone @SimoneSpringer]

Robert De Niro just announced the birth of his seventh child, at age 79.

Which really emphasizes the difference between a used by date and a best before.

[Simone @SimoneSpringer]

@NatashaCL7

[Simone @SimoneSpringer]

@Talk_To_The_Hat Like a mouse with cheese

[Greg One Leg @Greg_1_Leg]

Once you’ve been single awhile you realise there’s no sex good enough for you to be putting up with anyone’s shit

[Simone @SimoneSpringer]

Why aren’t people nicer to their exes?

I think we should be nice to anyone who could describe our genitalia to a forensic composite sketch artist with the accuracy that would have us picked in a line up.

[Simone @SimoneSpringer]

I had no idea OG stood for “Old Guy”

[Simone @SimoneSpringer]

@tea_n_cake89 😭💛

[Simone @SimoneSpringer]

My mum doesn’t get hangovers she “gets tired”

A couple of times she was SO tired she asked us to go get her McDonalds at 10 in the morning.

[Simone @SimoneSpringer]

@KennyLe56476439 🤣🤣🤣

[Simone @SimoneSpringer]

What you want seems to change with age.

In your 20s you’re looking for fun

In your 30s you’re looking for marriage material

In your 40s you’re looking for a place to nap