Jackson Long

Caught between two worlds, but I make a living

[Ricky Gervais @rickygervais]

Karl saw a sloth at the Zoo and was annoyed at how big the enclosure was.
I said "Why?"
He said "It doesn't use it. Hang it in a wardrobe"

[Jackson Long @Sir_Jacks]

People spend more time watching cooking shows than actually cooking... We are a bunch of voyeuristic, lazy bums! #fearforthehumanrace

[Ricky Gervais @rickygervais]

I'm praying these parents don't get battered in prison. That should protect them. http://t.co/uJHxdPDZ5v

[Ricky Gervais @rickygervais]

How fucking mental do you have to be to deprive your dying child of medicine because you think praying to an imaginary friend will save it?

[Jackson Long @Sir_Jacks]

Freedom is knowing how big your cage is

[Ricky Gervais @rickygervais]

A Troll is someone who wants you to feel, for a few seconds, as miserable as they do their entire existence.

[Joey Barton 🇬🇧 @Joey7Barton]

I am almost certain if I or another player with a negative @FA persona had made that challenge, I'd of without doubt received a ban.

[Jackson Long @Sir_Jacks]

What do you do when in a room with a gun with two bullets, a lion, a tiger, and Marshall Henderson? Shoot that prick Henderson... twice

[Spitta @CurrenSy_Spitta]

So wait.... Chicks r suppose to make us steaks and give us BJ's ???.... Fuckin awesome ... Smoke one for this calendar...

[Ricky Gervais @rickygervais]

"How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up as a choir boy" Kev.
#Derek

[Jackson Long @Sir_Jacks]

@mbarnes12 it goes downhill very quickly after the pilot...

[Jackson Long @Sir_Jacks]

Lionel Messi is the best player in the world #fuckCR7 #vamosBarca!

[Ricky Gervais @rickygervais]

Dear @TheTweetOfGod,
Quick question: Does burning piles of illegal pornography create white or black smoke?
Just so we know.

[Jackson Long @Sir_Jacks]

But tbh, who cares about leading a dying church? The real winner today will be Milan or Barca. And I can't see Barca coming back today sadly

[Jackson Long @Sir_Jacks]

And the conclave to decide who will lead the merry band of liars, tax evaders, money launderers, and child molesters begins! Popcorn anyone?

[Jackson Long @Sir_Jacks]

@aleeexlev just imagine me saying this, or indeed anything I ever write. It's more fun that way lol

[Jackson Long @Sir_Jacks]

@michaelmsneeden Italian ultras are more concerned with racial politics and fighting than the actual match, like Green Street on steroids

[Jackson Long @Sir_Jacks]

@michaelmsneeden In an ideal world with rational fans, yes. But as I'm sure you know, soccer fans are often anything but rational.

[Jackson Long @Sir_Jacks]

Henceforth, brevity will overcome loquacity. Consequently, the real winner may be sesquipedalianism, ya bish

[Jackson Long @Sir_Jacks]

@michaelmsneeden it's also an outdated punishment. Many teams have faced this sanction, Lazio multiple times, and the fans laugh it off