El Patricio

DSF #MUFC

[ElBuni @therealbuni]

Mercenario vikingo persigue a soldado otomano en las puertas de constantinopla

Imperio romano de oriente, 1366 DC

[Kevwe @kevwe_od]

This is how white people narrate history. 😂

[Zaza @jxsephabalokwu]

Bro, this guy turn billionaire and he wan dey sell frozen foods dawg. Yahoo boys mannnn.

[Wolfie 🐺 @TheIgboWolf]

Dear Nigerians,

Skipping that South African film costs you nothing.

It’s the easiest protest you’ll ever make, a way to stand for the Nigerians being disenfranchised over there.

[Vyber(fan) @_Mac_lfc]

no matter what, we are Africans. let forgive South Africans and let us come together to support Czech Republic 🇨🇿

[Shubhvani @shubhvanii]

If you believe you're going to be the first billionaire of your bloodline, retweet this.

[clinton🔫 @wtf_rema]

waking up to check scores for these world cup games be like 😂

[triste y con ganas de morirme ☹︎ @cxrrly]

El jugador más lento de Costa de Marfil

[poppa @popitforpoppa]

i no green i dominican papi

[MICLOTH @micloth01]

“Babe, why did David Raya leave Arsenal and go to Spain..?”

[Rupert Lowe MP @RupertLowe10]

Having attended our inquiry hearings, spoken with so many survivors, read our report?

I have never been more convinced that the very worst rape gang offenders should not be deported.

A Restore British Government, with the British people’s approval, will put them to death.

[Iamemperor @Iamemperor00]

Bank Manager: “Sir, why is there a chicken in the vault?”

Customer: “That’s Gerald.”

Bank Manager: “I gathered that.”

Customer: “People usually ask his name first.”

Bank Manager: “Why is Gerald in the vault?”

Customer: “For security.”

Bank Manager: “Against what?”

Customer: “The thief.”

Bank Manager: “What thief?”

Customer: “The one who keeps stealing from my safety deposit box.”

Bank Manager: “That’s impossible.”

Customer: “That’s what I said the first three times.”

Bank Manager: “Three times?”

Customer: “Three times.”

Bank Manager: “And you reported this?”

Customer: “Repeatedly.”

Bank Manager: “We investigated.”

Customer: “You investigated the box.”

Bank Manager: “Yes.”

Customer: “You should’ve investigated the people with keys.”

Bank Manager: “Sir—”

Customer: “So I set a trap.”

Bank Manager: “With a chicken.”

Customer: “With Gerald.”

Bank Manager: “How is a chicken a trap?”

Customer: “Gerald bites strangers.”

Bank Manager: “That’s ridiculous.”

Security Guard: “Actually, he’s very aggressive.”

Bank Manager: “You’ve met the chicken?”

Security Guard: “Unfortunately.”

Bank Manager: “Please tell me nobody approved this.”

Customer: “Nobody approved it.”

Bank Manager: “Wonderful.”

Security Guard: “The thing is… it worked.”

Bank Manager: “What worked?”

Security Guard: “The trap.”

Bank Manager: “How?”

Security Guard: “At 11:42 p.m., someone opened the box.”

Bank Manager: “And?”

Security Guard: “Gerald attacked.”

Customer: “Good bird.”

Bank Manager: “Chickens aren’t birds for security purposes.”

Security Guard: “The thief ran through the lobby screaming.”

Bank Manager: “Who was it?”

Security Guard: “Assistant manager.”

Bank Manager: “The assistant manager?”

Assistant Manager: “In my defense, I didn’t know there was a chicken.”

Customer: “That was the whole point.”

Bank Manager: “You caught an employee stealing from customers… with a chicken.”

Customer: “With Gerald.”

Assistant Manager: “He’s still staring at me.”

Customer: “He remembers.”

Bank Manager: “I’m updating every policy in this bank.”

Gerald: “Bawk.”

Customer: “He says that’s fair.”

[El Patricio @Sir_MuizzIsmail]

There's facial discrimination?

[Interesting things @awkwardgoogle]

This is Victoria Wright. Diagnosed with Cherubism at age 4, a rare genetic condition affecting facial bone growth, she faced intense bullying.

Instead of letting it define her, she studied law and became a powerful advocate for facial equality.

[Iamemperor @Iamemperor00]

Teacher: “Why were you absent yesterday?”

Student: “I was at my own funeral.”

Teacher: “Try again.”

Student: “I was at my own funeral.”

Teacher: “You’re sitting right here.”

Student: “That’s what confused everyone.”

Teacher: “I’m already regretting asking.”

Student: “Understandable.”

Teacher: “Explain.”

Student: “Someone posted online that I had died.”

Teacher: “And people believed it?”

Student: “Apparently.”

Teacher: “Without checking?”

Student: “You’d be surprised.”

Teacher: “So where does the funeral come in?”

Student: “My relatives organized a memorial.”

Teacher: “In one day?”

Student: “My family is very efficient.”

Teacher: “And nobody called you?”

Student: “My phone was dead.”

Teacher: “Of course it was.”

Student: “When I arrived, there were flowers.”

Teacher: “You’re joking.”

Student: “I wish.”

Teacher: “What did you do?”

Student: “I walked in.”

Teacher: “And?”

Student: “My aunt fainted.”

Teacher: “Reasonable.”

Student: “My cousin screamed.”

Teacher: “Also reasonable.”

Student: “My grandfather asked if ghosts could eat cake.”

Teacher: “What?”

Student: “There was memorial cake.”

Teacher: “There was cake?”

Student: “A surprisingly good one.”

Teacher: “Please stay focused.”

Student: “Sorry.”

Teacher: “How did the rumor start?”

Student: “That’s the best part.”

Teacher: “I’m afraid to ask.”

Student: “The post wasn’t even about me.”

Teacher: “Then why did everyone think it was?”

Student: “We have the same name.”

Teacher: “Someone else died?”

Student: “Yes.”

Teacher: “That’s horrible.”

Student: “It gets worse.”

Teacher: “How?”

Student: “The other guy was alive too.”

Teacher: “…”

Student: “He showed up halfway through.”

Teacher: “There were two dead people at the same funeral?”

Student: “Three, actually.”

Teacher: “Three?”

Principal: “Can someone explain why half the town attended my funeral yesterday?”

Teacher: “I’m going home.”

[SamWel😶‍🌫️ @elsambiz]

If you smell cannabis in your neighborhood, here is what to do:

1). Mind your business

[El Patricio @Sir_MuizzIsmail]

Lmfao

[another superstar! @mike_exee]

“Wetin broke person like you wan use babe do Itadori Yuji”😭

[Elon Musk @elonmusk]

Next I’m buying Coca-Cola to put the cocaine back in

[Ƙŵɓñ🇬🇭🦅 @akokc_dark0]

When you go to a restaurant without checking the prices, and Messi comes in and nobody turns around:

[grootman @_sameolg]

???