Sir Reginald Bedfordshire

Gentleman, Pugilist, World-Class Lover, Horse Steroid Enthusiast, Unwilling Time Travel Participant

[😼 @dutchessprim]

This took me out 🤣🤣

Backyard animals classified into socio political groups.

Blue jays “they are fking cops, they’re bullies”

[𝕭𝖊𝖓𝖓𝖎𝖊✨ @Bennieeexyz]

Jury duty letter came addressed to my cat.

Not a mistake. "Felix Martinez" - that's his full name according to his vet records.

My last name. His first name. Somehow he's a registered voter now.

Called the county clerk.

Me: My cat got summoned for jury duty.

Clerk: Is the name correct on the summons?

Me: Yes, but he's a cat.

Clerk: Is Felix Martinez a legal resident of this county?

Me: He's a legal cat.

Clerk: Sir, if the name matches our records, he needs to appear or file an exemption.

Me: He can't file anything. He has paws.

Clerk: You can file on his behalf.

Me: Under what exemption? There's no box for "is a cat."

Clerk: (pause) Check "unable to serve due to medical reasons."

Me: What's the medical reason?

Clerk: He's a cat.

Me: That's not a medical condition.

Clerk: It is if it prevents him from serving.

Sent in the form. Got rejected two weeks later.

"Insufficient documentation. Please provide medical professional's statement."

Took the letter to my vet.

Me: I need you to write that my cat can't do jury duty.

Vet: Why is your cat summoned for jury duty?

Me: Excellent question. No good answer.

Vet: This is the weirdest request I've gotten.

Me: Can you just write that he's medically unfit to serve?

Vet: On what grounds?

Me: He's a cat.

Vet: (started typing) "Patient is unable to serve due to species-related limitations including inability to speak, read, or comprehend legal proceedings."

Me: Perfect.

Sent it in. Got another rejection.

"Summons is mandatory. Failure to appear will result in contempt of court."

My roommate thought this was hilarious.

Roommate: Felix is going to jail.

Me: This is serious.

Roommate: Bring him to court. See what happens.

Decided that was actually the only option left.

Day of jury duty, put Felix in his carrier. Brought the entire paper trail of rejection letters.

Checked in at the courthouse.

Clerk: Name?

Me: Felix Martinez.

Clerk: (looked at the cat carrier) Is that Felix?

Me: Yes.

Clerk: (long stare) He's a cat.

Me: I've been saying that for six weeks.

Clerk: Why didn't you file an exemption?

Me: I filed three. All rejected.

Showed her the letters. She read through them, expression shifting from confusion to disbelief.

Clerk: Someone rejected the veterinary documentation?

Me: Twice.

Clerk: (called her supervisor over) You need to see this.

Supervisor read everything. Looked at Felix. Looked at me.

Supervisor: How did a cat get registered to vote?

Me: You tell me.

Supervisor: This is a data error.

Me: Took you six weeks to figure that out.

They dismissed Felix immediately. Apologized for the inconvenience.

Supervisor: We'll remove him from the voter registry.

Me: Appreciate it.

Supervisor: (pause) Out of curiosity, how would he have voted?

Me: Probably whatever party supports universal treats.

Got a formal apology letter a week later and a voter registration card.

For me this time. Apparently I wasn't registered, but my cat was.

Roommate: Felix committed voter fraud.

Me: Felix committed nothing. He's innocent.

Roommate: That's what they all say.

Felix is sleeping on the jury summons now.

Fitting end to his legal career.

[Eric Hubbs @BarstoolHubbs]

Read more about Samuel’s performance here

https://t.co/cNJrrB1UYo

[BAMBIE🔞 @FEMTARDI]

we need more seals just doing some bullshit. like just causing mayhem in small towns or something

[Sir Reginald Bedfordshire @Sir_Reginald_B]

@espn Two hours of wrestling on a four hour show? Woof.

[Sassington, M.C. @MissSassbox]

when he said it sells "better than crack", he didn't even have to explain any further 😂

[South Dallas Foodie @SouthDallasFood]

I think this may have just cured my depression.🤣🦁👑

[cinesthetic. @TheCinesthetic]

The four minute opening of Tropic Thunder is an all timer. Fake trailers, fake awards bait, fake studio logos, and you’re sitting there trying to figure out what’s real. By the time the title drops, the joke has already landed three different ways.

[Hollywood Horror Museum @horrormuseum]

This is quite terrifying

[Morgan J. Freeman @mjfree]

ICE Chases Protestor In Major Escalation in Minnesota — Air Force Called In

[Fun Viral Vids 😊 @Fun_Viral_Vids]

This burned into my brain as a kid

[Puppies & Positivity @Puppieslover]

Still one of the best all time videos

[GenTXer2 @GenTXer2]

Norm Macdonald:

“And in music news, number one on the college charts this summer was Better Than Ezra.

And at number two? Ezra.”

Classic.

[Andre Royo @AndreRoyo]

My fellow artist and Wire brother.
Whatever pain you were in, you're free of it now! I am sending my condolences to your family. I will keep you in my heart and share our gift of creativity... in your honor. 🙏🏿 #JamesRansone #wirefamilyforlife💯

[Ron Filipkowski @RonFilipkowski]

The most incompetent collection of dipshits to ever enter government service.

[Henry Winkler @hwinkler4real]

Absolutely !!!!rest in eternal peace

[Racism Watchdog @RacismDog]

BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK

[Brandon Willard @WillardFam6]

Right here is where Mike said, “Whoops, I gotta stop or I won’t get paid.”
#rigged #paultyson

[Amanda Serrano @Serranosisters]

I landed 107 more punches, she got a point deducted and I lost 95-94 lmfao