Phil.I.Are

This timeline is totally buggered. So, I've moved to @YeswellSortof and I've taken you all with me.

[Phil.I.Are @SixFeetTen]

On Xmas eve of all days. In the car wash and I find this revelation! There's more than one!?!

[Shit Jokes @ShitJokes]

I've just been attacked a little ginger boy doing martial arts!!

It turned out to be the carroty kid.

[GoaT FacE @EndhooS]

Kangaroo: SOMEONE TOOK MY BABY
911: try to remain calm
Kangaroo: PLEASE FIND MY...wait..
911: was it in your-
Kangaroo: it was in my pocket

[Phil.I.Are @SixFeetTen]

This timeline is totally buggered. So, I've moved to @YeswellSortof and I've taken you all with me.

[Twoodle @twoodle_05]

Hi there @SummerRay ... I've twoodled your tweet https://t.co/cjpBcWGcHg

[Phil.I.Are @SixFeetTen]

Proof that #Facebook is racist.

[𝗧𝘄𝗼𝗽 𝗧𝘄𝗶𝗽𝘀 @TwopTwips]

ASSESS the ‘banter’ potential of your new workplace by shouting “Morning wankers!” as you walk in on your first day.
(via @jasonlikesbikes)

[Phil.I.Are @SixFeetTen]

Second heatwave?!? On which day was the first heatwave?

[SkillsMcGill @skillsmcgill]

"For the hundredth time Hucknall, I can't get you a knighthood. Stop following me around, you little ginger freak!"

[Phlegm Clandango @Cain_Unable]

I'm not a great believer in nominative determinism but it explains why Mo Farrah runs 10,000m while his brother Les Farrah only runs 800m.

[Phil.I.Are @SixFeetTen]

He says "yeees".

[Phil.I.Are @SixFeetTen]

Hey @wittertainment, why no download Friday 12 yet?

[Phil.I.Are @SixFeetTen]

How inappropriately dressed must Andie Oliver have been to be forced to wear a dress from the BBC lost property box. #miow

[Phil.I.Are @SixFeetTen]

@Mr_Mike_Clarke Sinister.

[Phil.I.Are @SixFeetTen]

@NorthwichNews Great. When are we gonna get a decent Chinese?

[Phil.I.Are @SixFeetTen]

@bertnews Can be walled in minutes.

[rach gonzalez @r_gonz_]

Please look at this video of an astronaut forgetting he isn't in space:

[𝗧𝘄𝗼𝗽 𝗧𝘄𝗶𝗽𝘀 @TwopTwips]

TRICK visitors into thinking you have a dishwasher by serving them drinks in mucky glasses. (via @bingowings14)

[𝗧𝘄𝗼𝗽 𝗧𝘄𝗶𝗽𝘀 @TwopTwips]

GARDENERS. Convince people that you’re Italian by using a pitchfork to coil up your hosepipe. (via @EasilyTempted)