Shitfaced Stoner

I tend to rage my tits off with a blunt in hand. Also my daily thoughts are pretty fucking entertaining.

[Shitfaced Stoner @Slammered]

I need a separate fuck buddy, texting buddy & hanging out buddy & they all need to be attractive and not get emotionally attached #NowHiring

[Shitfaced Stoner @Slammered]

We are the ones that will make you feel better

[Shitfaced Stoner @Slammered]

Positivity is key

[Shitfaced Stoner @Slammered]

You just gotta take everything you're thinking and take out the seeds n stems you feel me

[Shitfaced Stoner @Slammered]

“@SoDamnTrue: My life is so shitty.” It's Christmas for goodness sake

[Shitfaced Stoner @Slammered]

“@SoDamnTrue: My life is so shitty.” who fuckin writes these tweets

[Shitfaced Stoner @Slammered]

pterodactyl is actually spelled like that the fuckkk

[Shitfaced Stoner @Slammered]

If you're a bird, I'm a fucking pterodactyl.

[Shitfaced Stoner @Slammered]

Home for the holidays, time to randomly re-befriend my old dealer

[Shitfaced Stoner @Slammered]

Lying that you're sexin me when everybody knows

[Shitfaced Stoner @Slammered]

Idk who Chest is but I feel pretty bad for him with his nuts roasting in that fire #ouch

[Shitfaced Stoner @Slammered]

Monsters Inc. is coming back to theaters in 3D how am I just now hearing about this

[Shitfaced Stoner @Slammered]

I hate finding out some hot person used to be fat. Ew don't show me that shit

[Shitfaced Stoner @Slammered]

The fact that I had a wet dream about my journalism teacher last night just takes my singleness to a whole new level

[Shitfaced Stoner @Slammered]

Such a sick fucked up world we live in. My heart is breaking for those families. #PrayingforNewton

[Shitfaced Stoner @Slammered]

I live in a fairy tale land where alcoholics unite and drink on their front lawns Monday-Sunday with no one to tell them otherwise #College

[Shitfaced Stoner @Slammered]

That awkward moment when a guy you used to hook up with has a kid now #yikes

[Shitfaced Stoner @Slammered]

Tis the season for blacking out dressed as a reindeer

[Shitfaced Stoner @Slammered]

She just licked the bowl. Completely. Clean. It was full. #highkitty

[Shitfaced Stoner @Slammered]

No one's ever marrying me but weddings look so dope...maybe I'll have an official single forever ceremony where we all just celebrate me 🍸