Jessica

I invented the Krav Maga, speak in a Vandalic Yanomamö patois.

[Jessica @SleepyJessie]

The 12 Days of HU Presents 🎁 | Day 12 #giveaway #win https://t.co/rE0m4ooQEe

[mod @wsbmod]

I just want to make enough money to live a life that doesn't include Microsoft Teams.

[Jessica @SleepyJessie]

Would anyone care to explain to me where the @chrissyteigen knife block set for @Target disappeared to?! Will it ever be available???

[Jessica @SleepyJessie]

All day I was so excited to go to Target to buy the new @chrissyteigen knife set and then I heard it’s not out til 9.30. I wasn’t even going to use them tonight but the disappointment is real, guys.

[Jessica @SleepyJessie]

@obrassillkulfan It really does look like him! 💛 When I first saw this I was like “this could be Kristin if she was an older Polish man” 😂

[Jessica @SleepyJessie]

If @obrassillkulfan wasn’t tagged in this a million times by now, I no longer understand this world. https://t.co/8fo5gXiTaZ

[Rudy Bouma 🧑‍💻🎦 📺 @rudybouma]

The Polish historian & political scientist Jerzy Targalski remained completely unruffled during our interview when this happened👇🤨🤷‍♂️

[Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome]

One thing I know for sure: no one on the right side of history has ever had to nitpick what the definition of “cage” is.

[Jessica @SleepyJessie]

Just sitting here hoping that @Wendys brings the strawberry mango chicken salad back this summer. If they don’t, please don’t hold the shitty attitude I will likely develop against me.

[Jessica @SleepyJessie]

Since @SpinDoctorsBand go on at 4 tomorrow, I'm going to be the saddest girl if they don't play "What Time Is It" at 4:30.

[Bethany Cosentino @BethanyCoast]

Hi I know diss tracks are nothing new but girl on girl hate in pop music is lame + we should do better ❤️

[Jessica @SleepyJessie]

@StarleeKine Late to the party but "Throw It All Away" by @brandicarlile has always been my favorite melancholic walking in the rain song.

[Jessica @SleepyJessie]

@hayleymillerRD Interesting thought...

[Jessica @SleepyJessie]

Pretty sure @McDonalds owes me at least 50 large sodas for every time I've ordered a Diet Coke and have received regular. 😡

[Jessica @SleepyJessie]

Nothing worse than getting excited for late night @tacobell after checking their site to make sure it's open only to find it's actually not

[Jessica @SleepyJessie]

Why do you keep trying to get me to buy something with coupon codes that don't work, @JulepBeauty?

[Jessica @SleepyJessie]

Yeah...I'm still mad about that. https://t.co/7AbCroma6h

[Starlee Kine @StarleeKine]

Remember when we were so mad at Comey

[Jessica @SleepyJessie]

@dreakiss It is! I never used to have that issue until I got an IUD and now it's like everything hurts and nothing eases it.

[Jessica @SleepyJessie]

The Spot On app from #PlannedParenthood is amaaaazing but I wish "sore back" was added to Body or am I the only one w/that issue? #ithurts 😩

[Jessica @SleepyJessie]

So @PapaJohns est. delivery time is now a range and they're STILL 10+ minutes late. It's Thursday afternoon! How does this take so long?!