💦Slippery Secret💦

masturbating, probably.......

I licked @cat_fvr so he's mine now.

[💦Slippery Secret💦 @SlipperySecret]

If I was a guy for 24 hours
I'd run around trying to find
things to stick my dick in
for the whole entire 24 hours.

[Horatio Quartzjixler @Quartzjixler]

Me: Some research suggests time is not a fundamental property of the universe and that it may simply be an illusion. That is, time exists only because particles interact and change relative to one another.
Dentist's Assistant: Uh...you still owe the $35 missed appointment fee.

[Bad Mikey @BadMikeyBad]

It’s a great day to not be a scumbag

[Bad Mikey @BadMikeyBad]

You talk a lot of shit for somebody with a breathalyzer lock on you car

[Josh @iwearaonesie]

friend: What would you do if your son told you he was gay?
me [trying to find the remote] Ask him if he’s seen the remote

[Horatio Quartzjixler @Quartzjixler]

When I have something important to tell someone, I just find a reel that approximates the message and text them the link. If they don't understand precisely what I'm trying to communicate then that's on them.

[Horatio Quartzjixler @Quartzjixler]

I was watching a video of her eating a hot dog when I noticed that she had ketchup on it. I was so put off that I almost didn't cum.

[🇨🇦BOT_GIRL @Val48646755]

Find yourself someone who says, “Let me help you so we can go have fun together,” instead of, “Let me know when you’re done so we can go have fun.”

[Bad Mikey @BadMikeyBad]

“Don’t worry, be horny” or whatever Bobby McFerrin said

[\𝕽𝖊𝖌𝕬𝖓𝖉𝖞/5-0 in September🦸🏾‍♂️🦇🎉 @RegAndy76]

#WonderWoman (TheAlphega) 🌟
@SlipperySecret
@PriscillaPetra1

[SmartassChef @SmartassChef]

How does one go from "Space Cowboy" to "The gangster of love" to "Maurice" all in one song?

[Horatio Quartzjixler @Quartzjixler]

How do your professionally say, "You have GOT to be FUCKING kidding me!"

[\𝕽𝖊𝖌𝕬𝖓𝖉𝖞/5-0 in September🦸🏾‍♂️🦇🎉 @RegAndy76]

#WonderWomanWednesday (Eepol 2) 🌟
#WCW
@SlipperySecret
@MrsDianaWayne1

[Horatio Quartzjixler @Quartzjixler]

Hold music that sounds like you're being taken off hold every 5 seconds.

[\𝕽𝖊𝖌𝕬𝖓𝖉𝖞/5-0 in September🦸🏾‍♂️🦇🎉 @RegAndy76]

Wonder Woman (Eepol 2)
#SeductiveSunday
@SlipperySecret
@AmazonGoddessD_
@Diana_Prince41

[💦Slippery Secret💦 @SlipperySecret]

You seem like the type of person who sends dick pix that you took using Deadpool baby hands.
Weirdo.

[💦Slippery Secret💦 @SlipperySecret]

*masturbates with Hulk Hands*

[The Flounder Pounder @Amiigat]

This month feels like the longest Monday ever!

[The Flounder Pounder @Amiigat]

In case you didn't get the memo: talking about a problem is not solving the problem.

Dumbass.

[The Flounder Pounder @Amiigat]

You wouldn't like me.

I speak my mind.

[The Flounder Pounder @Amiigat]

Sometimes you need to show a motherfucker what a real MOTHERFUCKER is like so they stop disrespecting you.