Danger Aardvark

This tweeting shit is for the birds. Tweeting is like talking to yourself in a crowded room.

[Danger Aardvark @Smashton_25]

Women are like flowers: they should be showered w/love & affection everyday. I also feel they're like stamps. But that's for other reasons.

[Danger Aardvark @Smashton_25]

@AnthonyGreen why'd you guys use so much Anthony green screen in "The Amulet"?

[Danger Aardvark @Smashton_25]

@JessePalmerTV your pants are too short

[Danger Aardvark @Smashton_25]

@UFC I'm experiencing login issues

[Danger Aardvark @Smashton_25]

Back in my day:

Me: but Dad. I need my fidget spinner!
Dad: I'm about to fidget spin that ass if you don't do what I say

[Danger Aardvark @Smashton_25]

@IAmChrisCagle https://t.co/KuVHQMfzSM

[Danger Aardvark @Smashton_25]

I don't want it if it don't clap when she walkin'

[Danger Aardvark @Smashton_25]

If Tetris has taught me anything, accomplishments rapidly disappear and failures remain.

[Danger Aardvark @Smashton_25]

Dennis the Menace shot an aspirin in Mr Wilson's mouth, yet he died from a heart attack seven years later. Irony?

[Danger Aardvark @Smashton_25]

I'm feeling a commercial about this tweet.. @SNICKERS https://t.co/Z1TITmlkR3

[Danger Aardvark @Smashton_25]

Someone get Tom Brady a @SNICKERS

[Danger Aardvark @Smashton_25]

Demon pops out:
Child = freaks out
Adult = Oh perfect. I'm thinking pile of fire in this corner and then bed of flames over here..

[Danger Aardvark @Smashton_25]

I don't want it if it don't clap when she walkin'

[Danger Aardvark @Smashton_25]

Game 6:

@HoustonRockets use Harden

*there is no PP left for this move*

[Danger Aardvark @Smashton_25]

Where did James Harden go last night? He just disabeard. #HardlyHarden @espn

[Danger Aardvark @Smashton_25]

This year I want to plant my own beer garden. #FarmToTable

[Danger Aardvark @Smashton_25]

Welcome to the real world.

[Danger Aardvark @Smashton_25]

Really @Hulu? "Most popular movies"? More like nothing worth -shut up. Karate Kid is on.

[Danger Aardvark @Smashton_25]

@Hulu really? "Preferred movies". More like... nvm Karate Kid is on.

[Danger Aardvark @Smashton_25]

@GeorgeForeman I've got a new idea. Where should I go?

[Danger Aardvark @Smashton_25]

Gonzaga gone zigged when they should've gone zagged

[Danger Aardvark @Smashton_25]

@kadearoo4

Every kid had this and the basketball with the bulge on one side because it was left out in the rain.

[Dallas Mavericks @dallasmavs]

THE SHOT HEARD AROUND THE AAC! CONGRATS ON 30K DIRK!! 🔥🐐