$argasm

Overreacting since 1977.

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Why do people with the most money have the worst taste??

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Synopsis of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire: so much bad hair.
Fin

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My inner voices while watching Elf:
Me: What was the name of the Bob Newhart show?
Me: The Bob Newhart Show. 🙄

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I think it’s bananas when people call me Chiquita. 🍌 🍌 🍌

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Europeans and their popped collars. End scene.🎬

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If there aren’t bagpipes at my funeral, I’m not going. 😤

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Who is Gideon anyway and why is he always leaving his Bible in hotels?

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People that wear jeans to a wedding: how long have you lived in a trailer park?

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McDonald’s talkin bout drinking Diet Coke for breakfast. 😂 🤮 Love waking up to a frosty cup of liquid cancer! 🇺🇸

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PSA: No video tutorial is complete without a 👍🏼 at the end. You’re welcome.

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People that say ‘liberry’; those are the real terrorists.

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He was cute while we were dating, but now that we’re not, he looks like a kinkajou. 😤

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I don’t recommend trying to get sturdy after the age of 40. #protip

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When I said you have Big Dick Energy, I meant that you seem like a big dick. 🤷🏻‍♀️

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Haven’t been back here since it was Twitter. What have I missed?

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When this shit goes tits up, the person with a pen shall rule. Remember that I told you.

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#Protip Never ask a rich person for a recommendation on any purchases.

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What a relief is must be to be ugly and you don’t have to worry whether someone is with you for your looks.

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Spoil yourself. No one else is going to.