Snurps

there are only two things guaranteed in life, death and god's succulent fingers.

[Snurps @Snurps4]

I'm gonna call my first son Ben, so he's one letter short from being bean. He will be so close to greatness, but never reach the bean.

[Snurps @Snurps4]

If you use your knights in chess, you’re a fucking loser. The dude literally makes an L shape.

[Snurps @Snurps4]

My dad ate my lunchable, so I ate out his wife. See you in hell tunnel buddy ;)

[Snurps @Snurps4]

I'm gonna use the restroom. Anyone wanna join? I'll flush.

[Snurps @Snurps4]

fireflies aint special, my ass glows red whenever your mom spanks me

[Snurps @Snurps4]

they just couldn't handle my style😎

[Snurps @Snurps4]

the worm is hands down the best dance for any occasion. skertin from dem hoes, abdomin petting the ground like a pro during my unadoption.

[Snurps @Snurps4]

Imma cry a river that could drown even Noah, dont test me

[Snurps @Snurps4]

I want an only fans page for dad bods, just to make me feel better about myself

[Snurps @Snurps4]

It's nerf or nothing. Guess I'm nothing then😞

[Snurps @Snurps4]

I'm gonna become a music major and play mayonnaise as an instrument

[Snurps @Snurps4]

i shoved a rod up my ass... he couldn't breathe

[Snurps @Snurps4]

If life was nothing but a dream, I'd wake up.

[Snurps @Snurps4]

The War of 1812 gets the award for the least creative war name of all time.

[Snurps @Snurps4]

I'm feeling a little wumbo today

[Snurps @Snurps4]

My dad always called me one, I'm just embracing it.

[Snurps @Snurps4]

I have three bitches on me. They're me, myself and I, as I cry from two ends looking at her pictures

[Snurps @Snurps4]

@elephattelepha1 Look out your window baby💕

[Snurps @Snurps4]

I said I loved her, but she said she didn't feel the same way about me. Opposites attract though, so I've been outside her house for days.

[Snurps @Snurps4]

I'm just waiting til someone gets waterboarded at a waterpark because of their mask.

[Snurps @Snurps4]

I thought Passion of the Christ was gonna be a porno. Either it's not, or it had a whole lot of exposition before Jesus got a little kinky.