Alexandra Rourke

Think I'll shoot for exactly 62 characters here. Spaces count.

[Alexandra Rourke @SoTweetedAlex]

Some of you need to learn about punctuation

[Alexandra Rourke @SoTweetedAlex]

Sure I'll help you out. Where did you come in from?

[Alexandra Rourke @SoTweetedAlex]

If you could turn off depression tweets, I'd have to make decisions on a day-to-day basis.

[Alexandra Rourke @SoTweetedAlex]

When you wake up in the middle of the night with a craving and open the fridge.

[Alexandra Rourke @SoTweetedAlex]

How long can you be right on the verge of sneezing? I think I'm on day six now.

[Alexandra Rourke @SoTweetedAlex]

[me talking to kids]

So what do you wanna be when you give up?

[Alexandra Rourke @SoTweetedAlex]

In this neighborhood we show our ass kicking shoes. Stay out or be out.

[Alexandra Rourke @SoTweetedAlex]

When your boss asks about your personal life in a sudden uncoordinated stab at appearing social.

[Alexandra Rourke @SoTweetedAlex]

Back off or I'm gonna hurt you right in the feelings.

[ceej @ceejoyner]

The one thing egg nog enthusiasts, magicians, DEA agents, and satanists can agree on is the turtleneck.

[Alexandra Rourke @SoTweetedAlex]

The world's tallest mermaid.

[Alexandra Rourke @SoTweetedAlex]

Defrost means "to voluntarily wait salivating for longer than necessary" in microwave.

[Alexandra Rourke @SoTweetedAlex]

Best male actor goes to Leo for being totaled on ludes in Wolf of Wall Street. He also does it again for a whole movie but now it's a bear.

[Alexandra Rourke @SoTweetedAlex]

When they didn't have what you were looking for and you have to pass the register without paying for anything.

[Alexandra Rourke @SoTweetedAlex]

Alien enthusiasts never tell you what's in the first 50 areas. Trust no one.

[Alexandra Rourke @SoTweetedAlex]

This responsibility thing is getting out of hand. I'm pretty sure I don't want any of it.

[Alexandra Rourke @SoTweetedAlex]

Just expressing what the world's most wool-yielding sheep reminds me of. I'm out of kush btw.

[Alexandra Rourke @SoTweetedAlex]

BAD COP: And then you pulled the trigger? Brains all over the sidewalk, HUH?! ANSWER GODDAMMIT!
GOOD COP: Uhm... Name the Great Lakes.

[Alexandra Rourke @SoTweetedAlex]

[on the phone with customer services]

So what would the fee for shipping only be? I'm planning to do all the handling myself.

[Alexandra Rourke @SoTweetedAlex]

I'd kinda like to bring back prohibition for just one weekend just to see what happens to Twitter.