Ben O'Sullivan

I’m only going to heaven if it tastes like caramel. Comedian

[Ben O'Sullivan @Sontagmorgan]

I miss the 🐐

[Ben O'Sullivan @Sontagmorgan]

Working in customer service is like having angry sex without the sex

[Ben O'Sullivan @Sontagmorgan]

It’s so cold the bobble in my hat has shrunk

[Ben O'Sullivan @Sontagmorgan]

I love it when middle aged guys get their teeth whitened, pretending they don’t look like Christmas decorations on a derelict house

[Ben O'Sullivan @Sontagmorgan]

Bob Dylan has come into controversy today after a former backing dancer said she was told never to make eye contact with him. This begs the question. Why the fuck does Bob Dylan need backing dancers?

[Ben O'Sullivan @Sontagmorgan]

It must be really easy to tell if someone’s afraid of mirrors

[Ben O'Sullivan @Sontagmorgan]

People don’t realise how tough it is being in a girl band, especially when you’re a 31 year old man not in a girl band

[Ben O'Sullivan @Sontagmorgan]

I made a fashion faux pas the other day, I wore double denim. Everyone at the funeral was very upset about it

[Ben O'Sullivan @Sontagmorgan]

@EveryTheatre @TheHenChickens @CamdenFringe Hey

I’ve messaged you

Thanks

Ben

[Ben O'Sullivan @Sontagmorgan]

Pretty honoured that Joe Biden pulled out of the presidential race just so he can see my Edinburgh show #blessed

[Ben O'Sullivan @Sontagmorgan]

I’ve definitely aged like a fine wine, because I live in a cellar and only come out on special occasions

[Ben O'Sullivan @Sontagmorgan]

People must’ve been so confused when The Police released their first album. People walking into a record shop asking for an album by the police, they go home and play it and every song is just loads of sirens and someone reading your Miranda rights

[Ben O'Sullivan @Sontagmorgan]

I’m doing my debut solo hour at @brightonfringe next week.
28-31st of may. Would love to see some of you there. #brightonfringe

https://t.co/PlX7VQ8cG3

[Ben O'Sullivan @Sontagmorgan]

Definitely not having a midlife crisis but I have just booked an appointment to get my ear pierced.

[Ben O'Sullivan @Sontagmorgan]

If someone starts a sentence with ‘putting aside your god complex’ you know they’re about to gaslight you

[Ben O'Sullivan @Sontagmorgan]

Salman Rushdie has said losing an eye upsets him everyday, are we certain he didn’t lose it on purpose to heighten his other senses?

[Ben O'Sullivan @Sontagmorgan]

In my humble opinion Jack got bloody lucky those Beans were actually magic

[Ben O'Sullivan @Sontagmorgan]

I can’t explain why but I’m absolutely certain people that wear cardigans also only use pencils

[Ben O'Sullivan @Sontagmorgan]

He died doing what he loved, drinking from a chalice that he was assured wasn’t poisoned

[Ben O'Sullivan @Sontagmorgan]

If Robert Downey Jr ever made a sex tape it would just be a video of him patting himself on the back

[Ben O'Sullivan @Sontagmorgan]

It’s a shame the pencil sharpener is now redundant because that shit slapped