Spaced

Life may be sweeter for this, I don’t know

[Spaced @Spaced_Cowboy00]

I caught two kids smoking pot outside my office. Fifteen minutes later my boss caught me and two kids smoking pot outside my office.

[Spaced @Spaced_Cowboy00]

I’m in my 50’s, of course I cut my grass at 7:30 am on a Saturday.

[Spaced @Spaced_Cowboy00]

But officer, Simon said smoke a joint while driving.

[HeartShapedKink ☘️ @HeartShapeHeine]

Roses are red
Violets are blue
This head cold
Makes me feel like poo

[HeartShapedKink ☘️ @HeartShapeHeine]

Turn your back on your inner stasis
But keep true north in mind
Even in your unrest

[Spaced @Spaced_Cowboy00]

I always bring fondue when I get invited to an orgy.

[✮ 🍓 ⋆ 𝒶𝓃𝒹𝒾 𝒹𝓌𝓎𝑒𝓇 ⋆ 🍓 ✮ @good_vibes_girl]

Pan pizza, the pizza that will fuck who ever it wants

[✮ 🍓 ⋆ 𝒶𝓃𝒹𝒾 𝒹𝓌𝓎𝑒𝓇 ⋆ 🍓 ✮ @good_vibes_girl]

Earth Day: ie. The day the Vegans fornicate

[✮ 🍓 ⋆ 𝒶𝓃𝒹𝒾 𝒹𝓌𝓎𝑒𝓇 ⋆ 🍓 ✮ @good_vibes_girl]

🎶 Shots, shots, shots is my favorite song about wishing your hockey team would fucking take one

[✮ 🍓 ⋆ 𝒶𝓃𝒹𝒾 𝒹𝓌𝓎𝑒𝓇 ⋆ 🍓 ✮ @good_vibes_girl]

I’m gonna slip my zamboni in your tunnel

Hockey player sext

[✮ 🍓 ⋆ 𝒶𝓃𝒹𝒾 𝒹𝓌𝓎𝑒𝓇 ⋆ 🍓 ✮ @good_vibes_girl]

This year for my birthday I decided to give myself a happy ending.

By this I mean I masturbated and then ate birthday cake

[Chunky Brewster @39Temperance]

You talkin to me?? Are you talkin to me?? No, seriously, were you? I was eating chips & couldn't hear you.

[Chunky Brewster @39Temperance]

Why is it called Netflix & chill and not Wetflix?

[Chunky Brewster @39Temperance]

There's going to be difficult times in life followed by little to no reward for enduring them. That's all, no encouragement lol suck it up.

[𝘽. 🐝 @justmommabee]

Normalize not giving a fuck about what other people think or say about you.

[𝘽. 🐝 @justmommabee]

If it’s felt by the heart & not just seen by the eyes then you know it’s truly real.

[𝘽. 🐝 @justmommabee]

I’ve been dancing with the devil & I love that he pretends to care

[John is not here right now @PossiblyDrunk87]

All you girls asking where the good guys are.

We are right here, we just ugly.

[John is not here right now @PossiblyDrunk87]

Porn gives young people an unrealistic idea of how quickly a plumber will come to your house

[John is not here right now @PossiblyDrunk87]

A face made for radio but a personality made for Morse code

[John is not here right now @PossiblyDrunk87]

These are the ramblings of a whiskey addled brain.