Timekeeper of Whatever

The funko to the soy man is like a sheath of a knife

[Timekeeper of Whatever @spaghetti]

This has been a tough year for cataloguing fun tweets because this place has become a morass of insane bullshit, which has always been the case, but it’s now lacking a certain whimsy. Nevertheless, my FAVE tweets of 2024:

[Timekeeper of Whatever @spaghetti]

It is once again that time of the year. Here are my fave tweets of 2023:

[nolan @oomfs_lore]

when I was a teenager Ben used my dad’s offices to film some movie in Boston and I got to go the set one day and I remember he was out front so tall so depressed and smoking a cigarette in a suit and he shook my hand so firmly. I went home and touched my cookie like crazyyyyy.

[Kirk Patrick Miller @Chaos2Cured]

@BrandonLuuMD And this is why I connect with AI.

This would be a fascinating study. I bet you can tell autism by AI preference. •

[Timekeeper of Whatever @spaghetti]

WOULD ANYONE LIKE TO STOP LETTING THEM GET AWAY W THIS? @RedSox @Yankees @BlueJays @RaysBaseball @Orioles @whitesox @Twins @CleGuardians @Royals @astros @Rangers @Mariners @Athletics @Angels @Braves @Phillies @Mets @Marlins @Nationals @Brewers @cubs @Pirates @Cardinals @Reds @Dba

[Jeff Passan @JeffPassan]

BREAKING: The Los Angeles Dodgers are finalizing a trade for Detroit Tigers ace Tarik Skubal, sources tell ESPN.

[kb @ojvhteuhyhes]

i have been thinking about this all day lmao

[Timekeeper of Whatever @spaghetti]

A David Stearns masterclass

[Michael Marino @MarinoMLB]

Jeff Passan (@JeffPassan) reporting that the Mets have been talking with the Brewers about a potential trade that’d send SP Freddy Peralta back to the Brewers.

[Timekeeper of Whatever @spaghetti]

How this news finds me

[Governor Josh Shapiro @GovernorShapiro]

LEBRON IS COMING TO PHILLY.

By the power vested in me as the Governor of the great Commonwealth of Pennsylvania and a die-hard Sixers fan... I hereby proclaim today to be LEBRON JAMES DAY.

Welcome to the City of Brotherly Love, @KingJames.

[Timekeeper of Whatever @spaghetti]

@nilknahs Yes!!! Thank you

[Timekeeper of Whatever @spaghetti]

I don’t really have the vocabulary to describe this, but there was a Brazilian music video that went viral on here like a year or two ago. it was kinda in the phonk/hip hop genre and the visuals/song itself were…glitchy? Does anyone have any idea what I’m talking about?

[Therese 🇳🇴 @ThereseUTD]

"don’t do anything stupid, you’re already on a yellow"

Enzo Fernández:

[Timekeeper of Whatever @spaghetti]

This is hilarious timing bc JD Vance and Rogan were being tediously unfunny, saying “The Left hates ice cream”

[Acyn @Acyn]

Mamdani: In a win for every ice cream lover across New York City, we will work with the state to do away with the frozen dessert permit that requires restaurants to seek out a superfluous second permit for what they’re already doing: serving food.

No more treat-sploitation, as we say.

Right now, barbershops need three licenses to cut hair: one to be a barber, one to own the shop, and one from the city on top of both.

The state of affairs is frankly anti-fade, and we will not stand for it, which is why we will work with the state to streamline these licenses as well.

And to the bingo enthusiasts out there, for too long, the potential earnings of a hot streak at bingo have been capped by arcane rules that no longer reflect how the game is actually being played.

With OPEN, DCWP will remove unnecessary regulations, including prize limits.

These are just a few of the improvements we are proud to announce today as we make it clear we are in the pocket of Big Abuela.

[Reece Hamilton @reece7hamilton]

Gotta be a top 3 pint that

[Timekeeper of Whatever @spaghetti]

@coldhealing Extremely ironic coming from you, the worst fucking account on here

[Timekeeper of Whatever @spaghetti]

@akristawithak https://t.co/0LtwHrbGRh https://t.co/0LtwHrbGRh

[Timekeeper of Whatever @spaghetti]

There’s something highly suggestive about this photo…

[Hunter Biden @HunterBiden]

Congratulations Spain!

[Timekeeper of Whatever @spaghetti]

A GOAT has never been so washed

[Brycen 🏆 @Brycen2047]

What Tom Brady has become post NFL career is unfathomable

[Timekeeper of Whatever @spaghetti]

This is so gay

[Dave Portnoy @stoolpresidente]

Oh my god!!!!! Is this real?!!!

[Pierre L’Fauex @LFauexProd]

Saw a man's penis at the urinal. @AMCTheatres

[michael @naomiwattsVEVO]

watching the odyssey tonight

[Liv @Liv_Agar]

#goat #autism

[☩ ✺ DEUS VULT ✺ ☩ @Bracesco2023]

kjjjjjj