Timekeeper of Whatever

The funko to the soy man is like a sheath of a knife

[Timekeeper of Whatever @spaghetti]

This has been a tough year for cataloguing fun tweets because this place has become a morass of insane bullshit, which has always been the case, but it’s now lacking a certain whimsy. Nevertheless, my FAVE tweets of 2024:

[Timekeeper of Whatever @spaghetti]

It is once again that time of the year. Here are my fave tweets of 2023:

[Fat Kid Deals @FatKidDeals]

2026/27 De'Aaron Fox Jersey for $33.99!

https://t.co/hiay788YYa

[Timekeeper of Whatever @spaghetti]

@StevenCheah Sticks to sports dumbass

[Capitol City Turn-Based Intelligence Center @inthesamedevice]

one of the best videos you'll see today

[Jalen Brunson @jalenbrunson1]

Spongebob has memes for every single aspect in life

[Legion Hoops @LegionHoops]

Victor Wembanyama really missed both free throws.

[Marc Stein @TheSteinLine]

Charles Barkley on the Spurs' collapse from 29 points up: "We saw the dumbest basketball team in the history of civilization."

[JP @jpbrammer]

the phrase "lipstick on a pig" has always inspired a deep sadness in me. I think of the pig, looking forward to her big night out, and I bring myself to the verge of tears.

[Timekeeper of Whatever @spaghetti]

Watch your fucking mouth

[TastefulLindy @LindyTasteful]

Brunson knows what he's doing

Married the beautiful mid

[The Lesbian Pervert @babyknifespice]

the average conversation on love island:

[Timekeeper of Whatever @spaghetti]

Stick to astute political analysis

[Timekeeper of Whatever @spaghetti]

Regardless of the outcome, I think we can all agree that this is Real Hoops

[Timekeeper of Whatever @spaghetti]

#WasteTheirTime2026

[Pop Crave @PopCrave]

Pennsylvania Mayor slams ‘Love Island USA’ contestant Sean Reifel for quitting his police job to be on the show:

“Our police department spent a lot of time training and we paid thousands of taxpayer dollars to send him to the police academy. We are disappointed he left as we now have another vacancy in our department that is impossible to fill until next year. I never thought I’d see the day in America where reality show participation wins out over being a police officer.”

[Timekeeper of Whatever @spaghetti]

@Angrydomo @JeremiahDJohns @ComArbatax And for a narrative take on the issue, The Sound of Metal is incredible

[hair of the pawg @haleyvemealone]

Guests use the weirdest cups 😂😂 nobody uses that one 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[Timekeeper of Whatever @spaghetti]

@themimsshow

[Timekeeper of Whatever @spaghetti]

People who tweet stuff like this should be shipped off to SF

[𝙼𝚒𝚐𝚞𝚎𝚕 (𝙼𝚒𝚌𝚔𝚎𝚢) 𝙰𝚛𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚐𝚘𝚕🗽🇺🇸 @Miki53688453]

Imagine a restaurant chain called “Macros.”

You walk in, tap your target macros into a kiosk — protein, carbs, fats, calories — and choose your preferred ingredients: chicken breast, rice, potatoes, greek yogurt, eggs, vegetables, etc.

The system instantly designs the optimal meal to hit your numbers exactly.

Then a cook behind the counter assembles it Chipotle-style, weighing every ingredient on a scale down to the gram.

Fast food for people who track their calories.

@DeanTTraining why aren’t you doing this?

[Timekeeper of Whatever @spaghetti]

Adam Sandler covering Geese covering Green Day

[Acervo Geese @acervogeese]

Geese - American idiot (green day cover)

[Timekeeper of Whatever @spaghetti]

@CanaanQuest @WolfgangTowns @notistotny @LinkofSunshine Shut up bitch 😂😂😂😂😂

[Timekeeper of Whatever @spaghetti]

@constans Do you ever shut the fuck up eye man

[Timekeeper of Whatever @spaghetti]

Normal Monday for the dinosaurs

[Breaking911 @Breaking911]

WATCH: A meteor streaked into Mayon Volcano in the Philippines as the volcano was erupting.