Sarah Perry

mediocre female person with crumbs in her bed 🎤

[Sarah Perry @SperryComedy]

Maybe she's born with it...or maybe it's Maybelline....OR MAYBE SHE EATS A BOWL OF Fettuccine Alfredo EVERY NIGHT BEFORE SHE GOES TO BED AND CURSES EVERY MAN THAT EVER WRONGED HER BECAUSE THAT'S THE ONLY WAY SHE CAN SLEEP AT NIGHT.

[Sarah Perry @SperryComedy]

I'm so midwestern that when I send someone a gift and they send me a thank you, I send them a thank you for their thank you.

[Sarah Perry @SperryComedy]

#NewProfilePic

[(((Rachel Finston))) @RachelFinston]

Mom, people on Twitter are discovering Jewish is an ethnicity again

[Tom Zohar @TomZohar]

You’d think this scene alone would get it an R but what do I know

[Sarah Perry @SperryComedy]

Guy with no rearview mirrors: "I don't like looking at my past, man. Even if it is a car crash I caused."

[THE RIZZUTO SHOW @RizzShow]

We <3 @sperrycomedy (and her ma, Tina!)
Check her out tonight at Helium!!

[Helium Comedy STL @HeliumComedySTL]

Seen at SXSW Festival, @SperryComedy is coming to Helium for one night only!
🎟️ August 14 🎟️
Get tickets now: https://t.co/qM3EdK0Dfl

[Sarah Perry @SperryComedy]

GET HIGH AND WATCH DRESSAGE. DO IT NOW. 🐎

[bort @tacobort]

This country has never been more divided.

[Monica💚🍉Free Congo, Palestine & Sudan @BlakPantherBabe]

We’re cooked

[Jake Flores 🇵🇸🇲🇽 @feraljokes]

You are currently president

[chunky fila @chunkyfila]

Give them both a pdf, first one that can rotate it gets to be president

[MJ @morganisawizard]

my 2024 debate drinking game, enjoy:

[Fuck You I Quit @fuckyouiquit]

Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy…but a single full time job should be enough to live on, so unionize, maybe

[Dan Carney @DanManCarney]

Do celebrities get diarrhea? Can’t imagine Zendaya experiencing what I’m going through right now

[Sarah Perry @SperryComedy]

I gotta stop getting high. Last night I spent 2 hours wondering how they get cars to the island of Hawaii.

[Tyler Talley @tylertalley22]

Behind every powerful woman is Tony Hale holding her bag.

[Sarah Perry @SperryComedy]

Same vibes

[Cat Damon @CornOnTheGoblin]

i
fell
into
a Burger King deep fryer
i turned
brown brown brown
medical help was required
and it
burns burns burns
that BK fryer
that BK fryer

[Sarah Perry @SperryComedy]

@DoorDash never issued me my refund so I had to call my credit card company and a @discovercard agent literally just asked me "since your order was missing an item, did you cancel the order before your order arrived?"