Spongebob™

I have big blue eyes, many holes appearing all around my body and a mouth with prominent front buck teeth. I live in a pineapple under the sea.

[Spongebob™ @SpongebobPosts]

I'd like to give this account to somebody else since I'm not taking care of this anymore, but I forgot the password

[Spongebob™ @SpongebobPosts]

I'm hungry

[Spongebob™ @SpongebobPosts]

5% battery left and you run like a ninja to get your charger.

[Spongebob™ @SpongebobPosts]

Study.... stu.... st.... s.... sl.... slee.... sleeping.

[Spongebob™ @SpongebobPosts]

I didn't fall .......... the floor just needed a hug.

[Spongebob™ @SpongebobPosts]

Real friends don't get offended when you call them bitch, hoe or slut. They smile and call you something more offensive.

[Spongebob™ @SpongebobPosts]

"Police, open up!" "No, you're gonna yell at me"

[Spongebob™ @SpongebobPosts]

That awkward moment when your best friend from elemetary school is now a filthy whore.

[Spongebob™ @SpongebobPosts]

White people: "OMG I LOVE THIS SONG!" Black people: "OH HELL YEAH N*GGA THIS MY SHIT!"

[Spongebob™ @SpongebobPosts]

"You're so pretty!" ... "No I'm not!" ... "Listen, STFU & accept the compliment!"

[Spongebob™ @SpongebobPosts]

Me: Ok just need one more... Kid: BINGO!!! Me: NOOOO! SHUT UP MOTHERFUCKING CHEATER!

[Spongebob™ @SpongebobPosts]

Teenagers have time + energy, but no money. Middle age people have money + energy, but no time. Old people have time + money, but no energy.

[Spongebob™ @SpongebobPosts]

Bruno Mars: "I'd catch a grenade for her." Me: "Why the hell is she getting a grenade thrown at her in the 1st place?!"

[Spongebob™ @SpongebobPosts]

"Your test questions look just like your homework." = Biggest lie ever.

[Spongebob™ @SpongebobPosts]

Ex: "Can we still be friends?" = Kidnapper: "Can we still keep in touch?"

[Spongebob™ @SpongebobPosts]

That awkward moment when you accidentally make eye contact with someone multiple times.

[Spongebob™ @SpongebobPosts]

The less people you chill with, the less problems you deal with.

[Spongebob™ @SpongebobPosts]

What I do when I like somebody: 5% - Talk to them. 95% - Stare.

[Spongebob™ @SpongebobPosts]

Me: "Mom, I need money." Mom: "What? Did you spend those 2 dollars I gave you in 2003 already?"

[Spongebob™ @SpongebobPosts]

I love that super cute thing where you don't text me back for hours. So adorable.