Russ Is Handsome

Consumer, defacater, Metamucil abuser. . .
Slightly misunderstood, but highly over rated. . .

[Russ Is Handsome @Spudmonkey7]

Just wanna put this image in your head:

Me.
On the beach.
Lying out with coconut oil.
In a reverse thong.
Pubes and scrotes everywhere.

You're welcome.

[Russ Is Handsome @Spudmonkey7]

I'm hungry. . .

Yes. It's 4:30 in the morning. . .

[Russ Is Handsome @Spudmonkey7]

Hey. What's that? I think it's shit. And I think you should eat it.

[Russ Is Handsome @Spudmonkey7]

Days like this, all I want to do is jack shit nothing. . . And cuddle. . . Naked. . . And maybe bake pizza crust. . . Any takers? . . .

[Russ Is Handsome @Spudmonkey7]

@USPS, you all fuck shit up a lot...You really need to do better...#USPSsucks #USPSsucksdonkeyballs. . .

[Russ Is Handsome @Spudmonkey7]

Technology hates me. . .

[Russ Is Handsome @Spudmonkey7]

I don't know about you, but whenever I order stuff for myself on Evilzon, I always "Add Gift Option" to send myself a little note. . .

[Russ Is Handsome @Spudmonkey7]

Why is oatmeal so damn horrible? . . .

[Russ Is Handsome @Spudmonkey7]

Awkwardly dancing in front of the picture window to @RobZombie 's "Dragula." . . Naked. . .

[Russ Is Handsome @Spudmonkey7]

My softball sized prostate and my body's coffee processing mode uncomfortably makes me pee every 5 minutes. . .

[Russ Is Handsome @Spudmonkey7]

My HDL's are low. My LDL's are high. I love meat and I lay on the couch a lot. . . Started eating more vegetables again with hardly any meat. . . Sucks. . . Oatmeal in the morning too. Sucks. . . One thing good? I shit like a madman. . .

[Russ Is Handsome @Spudmonkey7]

That's it...I'm buying a tuba... https://t.co/3hrriE93MA

[Russ Is Handsome @Spudmonkey7]

If I had a time machine, then I'm pretty sure I'd go back to the 80's at least once a week... https://t.co/sdtrp5cHIn

[Russ Is Handsome @Spudmonkey7]

Best reaction from my friend about the recent power outage from the storms:

"Damn that sucks .  If you don't have a backup generator then after a couple days shit can get sketchy. Not just food going bad but like Aquariums, A/C, internet for porn, nothing good about it."

[Russ Is Handsome @Spudmonkey7]

Because sometimes you just wanna eat takuan and rice at four in the morning while watching crackies fly by on their annoying mopeds. . . #retiredlife. . .

[Russ Is Handsome @Spudmonkey7]

My friend told me that he watches porn on his phone to help him fall asleep...

[Russ Is Handsome @Spudmonkey7]

Ooooooo. A French fry...

The three second rule just turned into the thirty minute rule...

[Russ Is Handsome @Spudmonkey7]

Boo. . . Married. . . Who cares. . .

[Russ Is Handsome @Spudmonkey7]

It's pretty trippy how one can be nothing but nice. Yet, you choose to be a royal cunt. . .

[Russ Is Handsome @Spudmonkey7]

Don't piss me off because I'm pretty sure I know your daughter's OnlyFans page...