Squidward

Excellent clarinetist

[Squidward @Squidward]

Another day at the Krusty Krab. Oh joy.

[Squidward @Squidward]

Me, participate in Halloween? I’m afraid there’s not a ghost of a chance! And no, Halloween puns don’t count as participation.

[Squidward @Squidward]

Ah, the first day of autumn! Finally, summer’s sunshine and optimism can go take a hike.

[Squidward @Squidward]

“Positive Thinking Day”? What a terrible idea!

[Squidward @Squidward]

For National Relaxation Day, I finally get to do the one thing I want to do every day: not get out of bed! Ah, that’s better.

[Squidward @Squidward]

Friendship Day?! No! I’ve got to stop SpongeBob before he … too late. There he is in my living room, with flowers and a cake.

[Squidward @Squidward]

Can someone please explain to Patrick that I am NOT his Daddy and will NOT be reading him bedtime stories?!

[Squidward @Squidward]

This New Year, I resolve to complain more. It’d be a shame not to: not only am I good at it, I really enjoy complaining!

[Squidward @Squidward]

The greatest presents I could get this Christmas would be the absence of my two moronic neighbors. Please Santa, hear my wish!

[Squidward @Squidward]

Oh no, it’s Hanukkah! Here comes eight days of SpongeBob attempting to spin a “dreidel” named Patrick. I might have to leave town.

[Squidward @Squidward]

Wear Brown Shoes Day? Sorry, no can do. They don’t come in my number of feet.

[Squidward @Squidward]

The only thing I’m positive about today is that I positively will NOT be celebrating Positive Thinking Day!

[Squidward @Squidward]

For National Relaxation Day, I’m planning to kick my heels up and read a magazine all day. In other words, I’ll be at work.

[Squidward @Squidward]

Do I celebrate Independence Day? Well, that independs. Ha, I crack myself up.

[Squidward @Squidward]

Happy Father’s Day to my dad, who appreciates the finer things in life: music, art, and complaining. He taught me everything I know.

[Squidward @Squidward]

If only National High Five Day were the only day of the year SpongeBob insisted that I slap him some skin. It's not.

[Squidward @Squidward]

Happy April Fools Day, a day I'd like to dedicate to my neighbors, who are fools.

[Squidward @Squidward]

This Valentine's Day, I bought an expensive gift for my sweetheart...me! Spoiled? Maybe, but I'm worth it.

[Squidward @Squidward]

Maybe this Opposite Day, my neighbors will act calm and sophisticated. Somehow I don't think they're celebrating.