white morpheus

real big into stuff and things.

[white morpheus @SquishMitten_]

I literally have a drawer full of gushers next to my recliner you think I'm going to give a shit about your PowerPoint slide effects?

[white morpheus @SquishMitten_]

The first guy who ever got a nosebleed was probably all "wtf"

[white morpheus @SquishMitten_]

Brookville's new Goodwill? Slaps.

[white morpheus @SquishMitten_]

Putting one candle and one soap up at the register of Bath and Body Works just so everyone knows what a psychopath I am.

[white morpheus @SquishMitten_]

Someone called him "Bert" Simpson at work and I can't stop thinking about it.

[white morpheus @SquishMitten_]

Filled a magic 8 ball with squirt so I get passive aggressive answers to my questions.

[white morpheus @SquishMitten_]

Going full frothing at the mouth feral in aisle A3 at Joann Fabrics.

[white morpheus @SquishMitten_]

Saw someone ask "how are the roads" on Threads. Bro ain't no one going to fuckin answer you.

[white morpheus @SquishMitten_]

Stop posting TikTok vids to Snapchat. Just because you don't have friends to share them with doesn't mean you gotta put us through it. I'm just tryna see feet.

[white morpheus @SquishMitten_]

2025 my resolution is to post more Google Reviews of places I've shopped/purchased shit at.

[white morpheus @SquishMitten_]

If I'm thumbing through Insta Stories and you place a link of any kind on the far right where my thumb hits you can absolutely go suck a steak knife.

[white morpheus @SquishMitten_]

38 and wearing cargo khakis as dress pants to the function? Figure your life out goofy.

[white morpheus @SquishMitten_]

YEARS I've been putting up with that tired ass joke. I can't wait until the NYSYNC. "It's gunna be May posts die next."

[white morpheus @SquishMitten_]

I did not see ONE SINGLE Green Day post during September. Holy Shit we are SO BACK.

[white morpheus @SquishMitten_]

@Jacob07313334 Right here homie.

https://t.co/rm6fX03a2t

[white morpheus @SquishMitten_]

I have a need

[white morpheus @SquishMitten_]

One of the best parts about working in three different county offices is that I can rock a fire fit multiple days a week and no one knows.

[white morpheus @SquishMitten_]

I want my bachelor party to be held at the Gathering of the Juggalos. Whoop Whoop.

[white morpheus @SquishMitten_]

Traced my family genealogy all the way back to 1527, and it's wild that I've easily seen more tiddies than all those nerds combined.