StayingHomeTheBacon

stay at home dad of 2 tiny men just trying to get by

[StayingHomeTheBacon @Stayhomebacon]

Some guys I know have 6 packs and I am very jealous...I can’t always get to the liquor store when I have both kids #dadlife

[StayingHomeTheBacon @Stayhomebacon]

@RealitySportsOn Been using this site for 13 years and this is the absolute worst it has ever been.

[StayingHomeTheBacon @Stayhomebacon]

Elephants, bacon, potpourri and walnuts.

[StayingHomeTheBacon @Stayhomebacon]

@DaveandBusters #XBruins

Section 120 Row LL

[StayingHomeTheBacon @Stayhomebacon]

@DaveandBusters #Xbruins
Section 120 Row E

[StayingHomeTheBacon @Stayhomebacon]

@ImMichaelDennis Sounds about right

[StayingHomeTheBacon @Stayhomebacon]

No matter how crappy my kids have been throughout the day I can always count on one thing…they will look like the sweetest little things ever when they are asleep and I walk by their rooms #parenting #bedtime

[StayingHomeTheBacon @Stayhomebacon]

“That’s not a lollipop, it’s a lightsaber!”
Something I never thought I’d have to say in my life as my 9yo chews on his toy. #parenting #dadlife

[StayingHomeTheBacon @Stayhomebacon]

Have a kid so you can get swung at, yelled at, and your stuff broken over a strawberry Hoodsie cup. #parenting is not always a blastie blast. #dadlife

[StayingHomeTheBacon @Stayhomebacon]

Working so hard my whole life to get to cool status and then to have my progress stripped by a miniature version of me is very upsetting

[StayingHomeTheBacon @Stayhomebacon]

There is something very satisfying about yelling “ghost mustard” during the ghostbusters song and making my kids mad #halloween

[StayingHomeTheBacon @Stayhomebacon]

I buy every breakfast food imaginable but my kids still scream for chicken and French fries at 8 in the morning #dadlife #parenting

[StayingHomeTheBacon @Stayhomebacon]

You know you’re a dad when you’re buying large shirts and small shorts #dadlife

[StayingHomeTheBacon @Stayhomebacon]

I didn’t realize how attracted I was to Sinead O’ Connor until I had to clean my wife’s hair out of the drains

[StayingHomeTheBacon @Stayhomebacon]

I don’t like marshmallows and I don’t like Rice Krispies but I LOVE Rice Krispies treats

[StayingHomeTheBacon @Stayhomebacon]

I like that my 4yo has no sense of time. He cries for more time to play and I say fine five more minutes before returning thirty seconds later to a kid smiling who thinks he defeated me. #dadlife #parenting

[StayingHomeTheBacon @Stayhomebacon]

When someone tells me my kids look just like me I always have to run to a mirror to make sure my face isn’t covered in chocolate or pizza

[StayingHomeTheBacon @Stayhomebacon]

Me- hey don’t rip that Xmas card!
4yo- I have to rip it, dad!
Then I just watched speechless as he ripped it up, unable to come up with a counter argument that would work with a tiny crazy person hellbent on destroying happiness #dadlife #merrychristmas

[StayingHomeTheBacon @Stayhomebacon]

My kid keeps vomiting then asking for more food...I thought only dogs did that #parenting #dadlife

[StayingHomeTheBacon @Stayhomebacon]

I’m stronger today than I was yesterday. Today I have gin.

[StayingHomeTheBacon @Stayhomebacon]

My kids play nicely together every day and it is the best 30 seconds of every day. #kids #dadlife