Desy Gato

[Desy Gato @StephenO38768]

THE STATUE A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. "Hurry!" she said. "Stand in the corner." She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't move until I tell you to," she whispered. "Just pretend you're a statue." "What's this honey?" the husband inquired as he entered the room. "Oh, its just a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too." No more was said about the statue, not even later that night when they went to sleep. Around two in the morning the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk. "Here," he said to the 'statue', "eat something. I stood like an idiot at the Smith's for three days and nobody offered me so much as a glass of water.

[Desy Gato @StephenO38768]

Victoria’s no longer a secret: So my oldest brother Ethan doesn’t like wearing pants while at home, he wears boxers (because he’s a gentleman) but REFUSES to wear pants.

So one day we’re all just chilling on the couch when Ethan comes in wearing his boxers. My younger brother Eric asks if he can take off his pants too and Ethan says yeah, just make sure you have clean underwear on.

Eric leaves the room, goes upstairs, comes back 3 or 4 minutes later without pants in my underwear, and not just any underwear; Victoria’s Secret, MY VICTORIA’S SECRET (only girl in the family).

Ethan is laughing his ass off, Nate (next oldest brother) is rolling on the floor, and I’m just sitting there like WTF.

My dad chooses the best time to come in with guests, when one of his 10 year old sons is standing in the living room wearing his only daughters frilly Victoria’s Secrets, his oldest isn’t wearing pants, and the other two sons are on the floor dying.

The neighbors haven’t come over since.

[Desy Gato @StephenO38768]

The magician & the parrot

A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. He has a different audience each week, so he allowed himself to perform the same act over and over again. There was only one problem: The captain’s parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of every show. “Look, that’s not the same hat!” “Now he’s hiding the flowers under the table!” “Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?” The magician was furious but couldn’t do anything about it. After all, it was the captain’s parrot. One day the unthinkable happened: The ship had an accident and sank! The magician found himself on a piece of wood in the middle of the ocean with the parrot of course! They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a single word. This went on for days. After a week the parrot finally broke the silence and said, “Ok, I give up, Where’d you hide the boat?”

[Desy Gato @StephenO38768]

I WON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT YOU A player was telling his mother about the game scheduled for that afternoon.
Today we will play in a stadium with a roof, Mom! His mother replied happily: -Really? That's very good. When you're playing 1 won't have to worry about the hot Sun or rain and you won't get sick. You always have your head bare and you play outside without a cap.

[Desy Gato @StephenO38768]

A DIFFICULT SITUATION TO SOLVE The football match between two children's teams became "white- hot”. Suddenly a little player ran to the main referee and said: - Uncle, I want to make water.

[Desy Gato @StephenO38768]

Stone and Stone - Breaker
A very strict officer was talking to some new
soldiers whom he had to train. He had never seen
them before, so he began:
“My name is Stone, and I’m even harder than stone,
so do what I tell you or there’ll be trouble. Don’t try
any tricks with me, and then we’ll get on well
together.”
Then he went to each soldier one after the other and
asked him his name. “Speak loudly so that everyone
can hear you clearly,” he said, and don’t forget to
call me "sir".
Each soldier told him his name, until he came to the
last one. This man remained last one. This man
remained silent, and so Captain Stone shouted at
him, “When I ask you a question, answer it! I’ll ask
you again: What’s your name, soldier?”
The soldier was very unhappy, but at last he replied.
“My name’s Stone-breaker, sir”, he said nervously.

[Desy Gato @StephenO38768]

Joe's Accident...
Farmer Joe decided his injuries from the accident
were serious enough to take the trucking company
(responsible for the accident) to court. In court the
trucking companies fancy lawyer was questioning
farmer Joe. "Didn't you say, at the scene of the
accident, 'I'm fine'?" said the lawyer.
Farmer Joe responded, "Well, I'll tell you what
happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie
into the......."
"I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted,
"just answer the question. Did you not say, at the
scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'"
Farmer Joe said, "Well, I had just got Bessie into the
trailer and I was driving down the road..."
The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am
trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the
accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on
the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks
after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I
believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply
answer the question."
By this time the Judge was fairly interested in
Farmer Joe's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like
to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule
Bessie."
Joe thanked the Judge and proceeded, "Well, as I
was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite
mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the
highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran
the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side.
I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown
into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn't want
to move. However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning
and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just
by her groans. Shortly after the accident a Highway
Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie
moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After
he looked at her he took out his gun and put her out
of her misery Then the Patrolman came across the
road with his gun in his hand and looked at me. He
said, "Your mule was in such bad shape I had to
shoot her - how are you feeling?"

[Desy Gato @StephenO38768]

The Sack
An office manager had money problems and had to
fire an employee, either Jack or Jill... He thought
he'd fire the employee who came late to work. The
next morning, both employees came to work very
early. So the manager thought he would fire the first
one who took a coffee break. Unfortunately, neither
employee took a coffee break. Then the manager
decided to see who took the longest lunch break -
strangely, neither Jack nor Jill took a lunch break
that day, they both ate at their desk. Then the
manager thought he'd wait to see who would leave
work the earliest, but both employees stayed after
closing. Jill finally went to the coat rack and the
manager went up to her and said, "Jill, I have a
terrible problem. I don't know whether to lay you or
Jack off." Jill said, "Well, you'd better jack off,
because I'm late for my bus."

[Desy Gato @StephenO38768]

SLEEPING SOLDIERS
By the time the soldier pulled into the little town,
every hotel room was taken. "You've got to have a
room somewhere," he pleaded with a proprietor.
"Well, I do have a double room with one occupant,
but he's an Air Force guy," admitted the manager,
"and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell
you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in
adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I'm
not sure it'd be worth it to you..." "No problem," the
tired army guy assured him, "I'll take it." The next
morning the soldier came down to breakfast
table."How'd you sleep?" asked the manager. "Never
better!" said the soldier. The manager was
impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring
all night long?" "No, I shut him up in no time,"
explained the soldier. "How'd you manage that?"
"Well, he was already in bed, snoring away, when I
walked into the room, so I gave him a kiss on the
cheek," explained the soldier. Then, I whispered in
his ear, 'Goodnight, beautiful,' and he sat up all night
looking at me."

[Desy Gato @StephenO38768]

AN ARGUMENT
During a neighborhood party here, I got into an
argument with my neighbor, Van, about presidential
politics. Finally, he asked me why I was such a
dedicated Republican.
I told him that my Father and GrandFather
were Republicans before me and that I was carrying
on the family tradition.
"That's it ?" said my exasperated neighbor.
"What if your Father and GrandFather had been
horse thieves ?"
"Well..." I replied, "I suppose then I'd be a
Democrat like you."

[Desy Gato @StephenO38768]

A GOOD CHESS PLAYER
A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find
him playing chess with his dog. He watched the
game in astonishment for a while. "I can hardly
believe my eyes!" he exclaimed. "That's the smartest
dog I've ever seen."
"Nah, he's not so smart," the friend replied.
"I've beaten him three games out of five."

[Desy Gato @StephenO38768]

DO YOU HAVE AN OBSESSION?
A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy
session with four young mothers and their small
children. "You all have obsessions," he observed. To
the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with
eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."
He turned to the second Mom. "Your
obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in
your child's name, Penny."
He turned to the third Mom. "Your obsession
is alcohol. Again, it manifests itself in your child's
name, Brandy."
At this point, the fourth mother got up, took
her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on,
Dick, let's go.

[Desy Gato @StephenO38768]

Naz Reid transition block + block at the rim
#NazReid

[Desy Gato @StephenO38768]

I can’t wait for trump to not pay Alina Habba.
#Habba

[Desy Gato @StephenO38768]

goodnight ateez, i’ll be thinking of you and your 13 song set list at Coachella 🧚‍♀️
#Coachella

[Desy Gato @StephenO38768]

Good morning☀️
#DesyGato

[Desy Gato @StephenO38768]

@youngeazy22 Beautiful sexy😻

[Desy Gato @StephenO38768]

@youngeazy22 you are so beautiful😍😍😘😘

[Desy Gato @StephenO38768]

@elonmusk actually the truth though!!!!

[Desy Gato @StephenO38768]

@BleacherReport GAME OF THE YEAR👍👍