Stepmom Kate

I'm not your real mom.

[Stepmom Kate @StepmomKate]

I understand other people's decisions, but I don't actually have to work tomorrow.

[Katty @wattsonian]

"You can keep playing the music because people like music [stage whispering] *except Katie*." -@StepmomKate

[Jenny Johnson @JennyJohnsonHi5]

Kris Jenner says she's proud of her teenage daughter for posing topless, cuz compared to Kim's sex tape, tit pics are a walk in the park.

[Stepmom Kate @StepmomKate]

“I like a tilt slash recline situation better than [with scorn] *leaning in*.”

[Stepmom Kate @StepmomKate]

“[Your spilling water on me] reminded me that winter is cold but spring is coming.”

[Stepmom Kate @StepmomKate]

“I’m like, it’s 6:54am, I’m always basically almost late or late, and I’m cranky.“

[Stepmom Kate @StepmomKate]

There are lots of people of our generation who think they’re reasonable who are completely unreasonable.

[Stepmom Kate @StepmomKate]

Boobs are so heavy. They’re more pro than con, but still.

[Stepmom Kate @StepmomKate]

Do you believe that? How many bakeries are there to redo?

[UberFacts @UberFacts]

Heavy Facebook users tend to receive lower grades in school, are more narcissistic, and are more likely to have low self-esteem.

[Anna Drezen @annadrezen]

"I get older, they stay the same age." A cocky old lady in front of her historical doll collection

[Scott Simpson @scottsimpson]

Everything I know about licking yogurt off a spoon I learned from Jamie Lee Curtis.

[Stepmom Kate @StepmomKate]

“I’d have to tell all your secrets... I wouldn’t know where to start.” [re: the prospect of joining Scientilogy]

[Stepmom Kate @StepmomKate]

"Where have I gone wrong in life" "don't ask these questions you won't like the answers!"

[Stepmom Kate @StepmomKate]

Can we stand in the shade? Because I'm trying not to die.

[Stepmom Kate @StepmomKate]

I'm your mom. I have gum, sunscreen, small water bottles and lip glosses.

[Stepmom Kate @StepmomKate]

We’ll all be functional at 6pm, right?” “I think that’s all in your own hands.”

[Stepmom Kate @StepmomKate]

You get your chance to decide when it's your turn!

[Stepmom Kate @StepmomKate]

Some people don’t fantasize about sex. [uproarious laughter]