Steve Spielberg

American film director, screenwriter, producer, video game designer & studio entrepreneur. Plus one funny guy! Follow me I'm sort of famous. Sorry about Indy 4

[Steve Spielberg @SteveSpielberg1]

Yes, today is the day Jesus rolled away the stone & came out of the tomb. The question is, did he see his shadow? Six more weeks of winter!

[Steve Spielberg @SteveSpielberg1]

When does a man change his thought of driving through puddles is fun to driving through puddles is going to mess up something under his van?

[Steve Spielberg @SteveSpielberg1]

So.... How soon after the new year is it acceptable to break one of your resolutions? It's not my fault Internet porn is so good and free.

[Steve Spielberg @SteveSpielberg1]

Walking into K-Mart on Christmas Eve means 2 things. I want to get you a last minute gift & I don't like you that much, this is from K-Mart.

[Steve Spielberg @SteveSpielberg1]

What I thought would be a great game of hide & seek with my nephews turned into a nice discussion of why there's toys hidden in my closet.

[Steve Spielberg @SteveSpielberg1]

Love the California sun in December. Might go to the park for a picnic. Or swim in one of my pools. Either way probably going to take a nap.

[Steve Spielberg @SteveSpielberg1]

Really love the Harry Potter movies. Worst part is when Snape died. Allen Rickman should stay away from places with large windows. #Nakatomi

[Steve Spielberg @SteveSpielberg1]

Just finished Finding Nemo. Great movie. However, I forgot about the part when Nemo offers the other fish in the tank MILF Weed. #Agrestic

[Steve Spielberg @SteveSpielberg1]

Put a 40 minute workout tape in my VCR. Played it back at high speed. Only took 20 minutes. Got a great workout. Working on GhostBusters 3.

[Steve Spielberg @SteveSpielberg1]

Ever had a day where you want to kill then rape everyone that talks to you? I haven't. That's wrong. Get your priorities in order people.

[Steve Spielberg @SteveSpielberg1]

To honor Whitney Houston's death I'm going to listen to the We Can't Dance album by Genesis all day today. I just like Phil Collins better.

[Steve Spielberg @SteveSpielberg1]

Things I do at hotels: As soon as I enter the room I turn on the shower & leave it on. They don't charge you for the water you use!Not yet..

[Steve Spielberg @SteveSpielberg1]

When I fly I always hope for Snakes On The Plane. And I'm talking about both the movie & actual snakes. Because one without the other sucks.

[Steve Spielberg @SteveSpielberg1]

Try to do this when there's lots of people in the lobby: Take all of your towels (new/used) to the elevator & attach a"Wash Me"note on them.

[Steve Spielberg @SteveSpielberg1]

If you are really bored in your hotel room, read a book.

Yeah right!!! Turn the TV on and jump on the bed until you have to piss.

[Steve Spielberg @SteveSpielberg1]

It's always good to be back home after shooting on location for four months. I love pissing in my own sink.

[Steve Spielberg @SteveSpielberg1]

I'm so bored I just Rick Rolled myself. I kind of enjoyed it. Probably should have made a movie about Rick Ashley instead of Indy 4. Sorry.

[Steve Spielberg @SteveSpielberg1]

This New Years Eve don't drink & drive. ..... Unless you really want to go home. Because who really wants to leave their car behind?

[Steve Spielberg @SteveSpielberg1]

Sitting in a Chinese restaurant yelling Cartwright, Cartwright. Nobody answers. Wish Jason Alexander was with me.

[Steve Spielberg @SteveSpielberg1]

How awesome is it when your doctor is a hot blonde? How un-awesome is it when she's inspecting a suspicious mole on your back? Too much sun