Steve Cornelius

[Steve Cornelius @SteveUWC]

Happy birthday @AdrianaLima Hope you having an awesome day.

[Steve Cornelius @SteveUWC]

Ran out of Manila envelops. Off to the Philippines. http://t.co/MbcaJ2sWDH

[Steve Cornelius @SteveUWC]

"I liked small butts. I was lying." - Sir Mix-A-Lot's teary deathbed confession http://t.co/caX3WnSSrn

[Steve Cornelius @SteveUWC]

http://t.co/YLOFMRWJdX Ceilings were just ambitious walls.

[Steve Cornelius @SteveUWC]

http://t.co/QGCi13gf9P The Bible is subtitled "Shit My God Says".

[Steve Cornelius @SteveUWC]

"I liked small butts. I was lying." - Sir Mix-A-Lot's teary deathbed confession http://t.co/wkGyQQkm8a

[Steve Cornelius @SteveUWC]

I wish I lived in the 1950's, because I have a few songs I want to record about my postman. http://t.co/AWxDozGpg4

[Steve Cornelius @SteveUWC]

Ran out of Manila envelops. Off to the Philippines. http://t.co/EggQK7KK2s

[Steve Cornelius @SteveUWC]

Is there anything sexier than a woman who reads? Yes: Models. http://t.co/CDaDjeyjhO

[Steve Cornelius @SteveUWC]

http://t.co/d8kYgqus2B I wish I lived in the 1950's, because I have a few songs I want to record about my postman.

[Steve Cornelius @SteveUWC]

http://t.co/87HAgDVyYS Dad: i don't know why you wear a bra-you've got nothing to put in it. MUM: you wear pants don't you?

[Steve Cornelius @SteveUWC]

http://t.co/KOyWYPqJ6P Dad: i don't know why you wear a bra-you've got nothing to put in it. MUM: you wear pants don't you?

[Steve Cornelius @SteveUWC]

Do hipster chicks wear sweatpants that say "DRY" on the butt? http://t.co/3Ky778hyeX

[Steve Cornelius @SteveUWC]

Twitter can be like talking to crazy homeless people through protective glass. http://t.co/Feicogd0Uw

[Steve Cornelius @SteveUWC]

http://t.co/V8k80879uI No matter how many times I call the hospital to complain, they won't recall my baby.

[Steve Cornelius @SteveUWC]

Ceilings were just ambitious walls. http://t.co/GimahSbF2B

[Steve Cornelius @SteveUWC]

In Hidden Valley, childhood obesity is covered up in creamy ranch dressing. http://t.co/TjCN33aWKl

[Steve Cornelius @SteveUWC]

http://t.co/WwVIpvSk40 How can we know atheism exists? Where's the evidence?

[Steve Cornelius @SteveUWC]

http://t.co/yWaf3iekDj Sneezed. Nobody blessed me. Going to hell.

[Steve Cornelius @SteveUWC]

http://t.co/AWb3Wtyypv I bet when you go to hell they make you wear your hair like you did in 5th grade