Stevie

(32) He/Him A gosh darn noodle.

[Stevie @Steveeboi729]

@VeronicaTheVix1 Maws maws maws! Especially tongues x3

[Stevie @Steveeboi729]

@ThePinkRedFur Hehe~ Protos are pretty cool! x3

[Stevie @Steveeboi729]

@Partyzan_noodle I totally understand that feeling. I’ve honestly been wanting to reach out to you too, but I know you’re a busy noodle and have lots going on! Just know that we all still think you’re the sweetest noodle for trying to message others people back as much as you can!

[Stevie @Steveeboi729]

@CrumbFur Gosh darn cutie!!❤️

[Stevie @Steveeboi729]

@GINKO_1026 Yesss! Showing that big tongue all over the glass! Wishing I could feel it!

[NOBUNAGA🇯🇵🏯_夏樹蒼依 @japan_nobunaga]

I needed my lawn mowed. I asked an American for the name of a company.

He said, "Get a kid."

A kid. Not a service. A child.

I asked which kid.

"Any of 'em."

I asked where one obtains a kid. There is no directory. There is no listing.

He said, "Ask around."

I asked around. Two days later a fourteen year old named Cody was standing on my porch.

He did not bring a mower. Nobody told me this part. The kid uses your mower and your gas. He brings arms.

I asked his rate.

He said, "Whatever."

Whatever. A negotiation had opened and the other party declined to attend.

A blade drawn against no opponent must be returned to the sheath in silence.

I put my wallet away.

So I conducted research. I asked four adults what the correct amount was.

Four numbers. Twenty. Forty. Twenty five. One man said he gave a kid fifty once and could not remember why.

There is no rate. There has never been a rate. An entire national labor market runs with no published price and every participant is somehow satisfied.

I looked up the state minimum wage. I timed the work. I arrived at a defensible figure and I paid it.

My neighbor watched this from his driveway.

Later he came over and told me, kindly, that I had underpaid.

I said the amount exceeded the legal minimum.

He said, "Yeah, but he's a kid."

THE PRICE IS NOT THE PRICE. THE PRICE IS THE PRICE PLUS SOMETHING NO MAN ON THIS STREET WILL SAY OUT LOUD.

So I corrected. I overcorrected. Sixty dollars for forty minutes.

The same neighbor came back over.

"Alright. Don't ruin him."

There is a floor and there is a ceiling. Neither is written anywhere. Both are enforced by men standing in driveways with their arms folded.

The samurai who cannot read the room dies in the room.

I have been dying in this room since June.

Cody was thirsty. I did not offer him water, because he had not asked, and a warrior does not name another warrior's weakness.

My wife told me he is fourteen and it is ninety one degrees. I now leave a bottle on the step where he can take it without being seen taking it.

I asked my neighbor why the whole street does this. Why grown men pay a boy more than the work is worth and then pretend not to have noticed.

He said, "You're not buying a lawn."

Then he went inside, because apparently that was a complete explanation.

Cody has cut my grass eleven times. He is saving for a truck. I know the exact figure because he told me, unprompted, in August, sweating, holding my own mower.

Last week a family moved in three houses down. The man came over and asked if I knew anybody who cuts grass.

I said, "I got a kid."

I heard what that sounded like. I did not correct it.

He is nine hundred dollars from the truck.

A mountain is not asked to be smaller. A mountain is walked around, at night, quietly, by a man with a truck payment he intends to make on someone else's behalf.

I have started mentioning him to people.

[Stevie @Steveeboi729]

@kerciaxx @KiroHusky Wait, I really like this!

[Stevie @Steveeboi729]

@Partyzan_noodle I like to think I’m very recognizable by taste! Everyone knows me as the churro noodle X3

[Stevie @Steveeboi729]

@prey_mike @MawsVraze Gosh >\\\< I’d be the happiest ferret in the world~. You’d get all the belly rubs in return~

[Stevie @Steveeboi729]

@ZephyrFerret Hey woah! I see a hidden maw in there!

[Stevie @Steveeboi729]

@ABGameDeveloper Gosh~ teasy licks are the best way to get a prey to relax. I know from experience >w< (I’m the experience XD)

[Stevie @Steveeboi729]

@ThePinkRedFur I will give you all the belly rubs!

[Stevie @Steveeboi729]

@FloofDoggo1 Aaa! Would love to~

[Stevie @Steveeboi729]

@Partyzan_noodle This is so cute~. I sometimes do this to my big friends. I try to lick them and I’m met with the same response! Doesn’t help I’m churro flavored X3

[Stevie @Steveeboi729]

@Dyhloboloko Thank you for the opportunity!~

[Stevie @Steveeboi729]

@ABGameDeveloper My gosh~ I love being licked before being nommed~. It seems so affectionate X3

[Stevie @Steveeboi729]

@TokensCoinSlot Goals x3

[Stevie @Steveeboi729]

@FlipBunny I genuinely hate it when that happens. It’s unfair to erase everything from a chat between me and another person without warning or consent. To me, that’s basically saying you held no value for our friendship. I’d rather you just block me at that point Xp.