Steven Hammond

Occassionally I'll do something cool.

[Steven Hammond @StevenHammond93]

Work people really be talking about $15K couches and their coach house remodeling projects in the lunch room. Idk what job they do but apparently I picked the wrong one here. Guess I’m just a small baller.

[Steven Hammond @StevenHammond93]

There’s a pink Tesla in the gym parking garage. I’ve never been more repulsed by a car in my life. #MuskIsAClown

[Steven Hammond @StevenHammond93]

Absinthe was used in the “mind-blowing” preservation of the Naples mummy so drinking basically makes you immortal.

[Steven Hammond @StevenHammond93]

In-car advertisements is a bridge too far. Reading billboards to copy them inside and overtly listening to the conversation inside is crazy. I’ll be sticking with old school, tyvm.

[Steven Hammond @StevenHammond93]

Someone is running a leaf blower in downtown Chicago, in January. There are no leaves or snow. Apparently escaping the pleasures of suburbia is impossible.

[Steven Hammond @StevenHammond93]

Texas should not have a turnover sword. You’re not USC. Find a better creative department intern. This is poor work. Do better in 2026. #HornsDown

[Steven Hammond @StevenHammond93]

Female crash test dummies will now be required during auto safety tests. Sometimes the joke just writes itself.

[Steven Hammond @StevenHammond93]

Today’s overheard wisdom from the streets: “it’s almost like you shouldn’t marry an addict.“

[Steven Hammond @StevenHammond93]

When a sovereign wealth fund and major proxy advisors vote against your comp package you are the problem. #MuskIsAClown

[Steven Hammond @StevenHammond93]

If she doesn’t know Clippy she’s too young for you bro. #LongLiveClippy

[Steven Hammond @StevenHammond93]

Anyone who is part of the rare earth mining industry should cash out their ownership stake and ride off into the sunset. Your personal Sharpe ratio will be improved. Retire now. Just do it. #FinancialPlanningWithSteven

[Steven Hammond @StevenHammond93]

Who knew Teslas not having proper door handles could be a problem? #MuskIsAClown

[Steven Hammond @StevenHammond93]

Never fails. #CFB

[฿₳₮₮ⱠɆ ฿ɎⱤĐ @BattleByrd]

Sorry I can't!

I'm locked in to the German Shopping Cart Return Championships...

[Steven Hammond @StevenHammond93]

I hope it falls. #MuskIsAClown

[Steven Hammond @StevenHammond93]

Instagram needs to calm down with the whole repost thing. I’d like to keep my psychosis hidden, tyvm. Don’t put that on my profile. Such content is only for the fellow unhinged folk I commune with in the privacy of DMs.

[Steven Hammond @StevenHammond93]

NBC wants to create a dedicated sports network…Were we not just here with @NBCSN???

[Steven Hammond @StevenHammond93]

Might have to become a Lyft guy so I can block every driver with a Tesla. #MuskIsAClown

[Steven Hammond @StevenHammond93]

You know you’re in finance when someone says ‘MD’ and you think managing director, not medical doctor.

[Steven Hammond @StevenHammond93]

I just walked by a tan version of Pitbull, spraying axe as he walked down the street. I’m not sure what to think. #OnlyInChicago